Graced to Lead

Ep. 2: How to Lead With Confidence with Lisa Medley

• Belinda Gaston • Season 1 • Episode 2

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Stepping into the light of leadership often comes hand-in-hand with the shadows of self-doubt, a truth many women know all too well. Join me as I sit down with the remarkable Lisa Medley, executive coach and an excellent source of wisdom for those navigating the complexities of faith and leadership. Together, we share stories and strategies that will encourage you to lead confidently and explore how our faith not only shapes us but can also empower our professional journeys. This episode is an essential resource for anyone looking to navigate their leadership path with grace, courage, and a faith that moves mountains.

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Belinda Gaston:

Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I'm Belinda Gaston, your host, and listen. If you are a Christian woman who leads at work, at home, in ministry, or your own business, you are in the right place. Here, you'll find encouragement, practical advice, and even a little humor, too. We'll have some real conversations that will challenge you and inspire you in all areas of your life. So join me for this journey to become better leaders, god's way. It's a call for us to embrace God's grace to lead even when we feel unqualified. So if that's you, you are in the right place. Welcome, and let the journey begin.

Belinda Gaston:

Welcome everyone to the Graced to Lead podcast. I am Belinda Gaston, your host, and I'm so excited that you are back with us. Today we are going to talk about the one thing that I have been getting a lot of questions about, and that is confidence, and so buckle your seats, because today we have someone who is going to inspire us, encourage us and give us some practical wisdom based on her experience for leaders to talk about confidence as a leader, and that is none other than the Lisa Medley. Listen, if you don't know and you haven't heard about Lisa yet, I will tell you she is not only an amazing, dynamic leader, but she is an executive coach. Her clients describe her as transformational and life-changing, and I have not been a client of Lisa's, but I can say that in my experience with her and the times that we have where she has spoken, she has been a life changer for me. She is passionate about using her knowledge and expertise to address the challenges that Black women face in the workplace. She's had a corporate career spanning more than 16 years and she's been she's had experience as a senior executive at a fortune 50 financial institution. Listen, Lisa is just one of 24 people in the United States holding a master of science and executive coaching. So she didn't just call herself a coach y'all. She is a coach, qualified, certified through the ICF and the center for credentialing, certified through the ICF and the Center for Credentialing and Education, and with her thriving business and her executive coaching, she is also the mother of five young adults and the primary caregiver of her 96-year-old mother, and she resides in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I have a special place in my heart and I believe God does for the caregiver, so can you just join me? I know that you are listening from wherever you are, but go ahead and stop what you're doing and give us a virtual clap as we welcome Lisa to our podcast.

Belinda Gaston:

Welcome, Lisa. Thank you, belinda, good to be here. Good to be here. I'm excited. I am excited too, and so we're going to jump right into this conversation, because we only have a little bit of time with you, and I thought it might help to put things in perspective, because a lot of times, Lisa, people will think, well, I'm pretty confident, or you know, I know what I'm doing, but when they begin to work and to walk out their leadership roles, particularly if they're being elevated or challenged in their leadership role, that's when most women start to think wait, a minute, maybe I'm not as confident as I thought I was. And so I would like to start with connecting our audience a bit with your personal confidence experience. I'd love for you to share with us, as we start, a time when maybe your confidence as a leader wasn't quite where it should be. Can you share a time when you may have lacked confidence as a leader and share that experience and what that was like?

Lisa Medley:

Yeah, absolutely multiple times actually. But one of the times that stands out for me is because you mentioned promotion or elevation. I accepted a role I was hired for, selected for a role and accepted a role that was completely new for me. So it was my very first executive role. It was in an organization that I'd never worked in.

Lisa Medley:

And you know, banking is funny because relationships, especially in that time, relationships sort of form, you, you float around kind of in the same place, in the same spaces as folks, but to get somewhere where you don't know anybody. You know, I was the only woman of color, only Black woman, on the leadership, the senior leadership team, and the role was new. So there was no roadmap, there was no, I wasn't anyone's successor. The role had existed maybe three or four years ago, but but you know it had evolved and the organization had changed and so I was tasked with coming in. It was a chief of staff role, so I was. You know, a chief of staff role is typically a role where you manage the chief, the person in charge, and so that is a big, big tall order in leadership.

Lisa Medley:

And I just remember my first day and I remember walking through I used to park and go through this big warehouse, and I can remember the feeling of, oh my God, what have I done? And am I going to do OK, am I going to excel? Am I going to succeed? How do I get people on my side? And that that first day I sat in the room with my manager and he, he shot out a list of things, right, and just said go to it. And just like that I am. Really I couldn't be frozen, but I wanted to freeze because I just didn't, I didn't know, I never imagined myself in a space.

Lisa Medley:

I left, a position where everybody knew who I was. I had earned the respect of everybody in that, in that space and in that setting. And to go from it's like Tylenol to morphine or morphine to Tylenol, and to go from it's like Tylenol to morphine or morphine to Tylenol, whichever way you want. And so nobody knows me and I'm knocking on doors and I'm calling people and I'm sending emails and they're like who is this? Oh, what do you want? And I had to get ahold of myself and I had to remember, which is important. Remember who you are doesn't change because of where you are and what you know you carry with you and so it's a matter of taking a deep breath and really reacquainting yourself with yourself, realigning and saying okay, listen, this may be a situation I'm not familiar with, but what I am familiar with is who I am and what I can do Right, and so that's where you draw, that's what you draw from and how you gain the confidence in that moment.

Belinda Gaston:

That is Thank you first for being so transparent and sharing that story. Thank you first for being so transparent and sharing that story. And I think that we often experience these confidence challenges what I like to call them in times where there is something that has shifted for us, whether that's in our businesses, in our workplaces, even in our personal lives. I know I have a close friend of mine who is going through the process of divorce and that is a life event and it has not, of course, been very pleasant, but that life event is impacting how she leads and so I think it has impacted her confidence and I would say she's probably the most confident person I know. But we all experience those moments and so thank you for sharing that and I appreciate you saying that who you are has not changed. In one of our previous interviews we talk about leadership identity, and that was something that came up even in that conversation of who are you as a leader. That person, that who you are at your core, does not change as the situation, so thank you for sharing that. So you came into this space as a chief. You've had this experience.

Belinda Gaston:

Others may be who are listening, maybe in similar situations where they're in shift, in transition or shifting, and they may be wondering, well, am I having a confidence issue? I mean, is that what is happening for me? Because a lot of times we experience things but we don't have a name for it. Are there some possible signs that what a woman is experiencing in her leadership walk is a confidence challenge or a place where her confidence can be strengthened? Are there some signs or characteristics or things that you can think of that might lead to someone saying, hey, maybe this is a confidence challenge for me.

Lisa Medley:

Yeah, yeah, before I say what the signs are, I'll tell you what it's not. And it's not. Fear does not necessarily cause a confidence issue. It is normal. It's a normal emotion to be afraid. So when we shift and transition and find ourselves in new spaces and places around, new people, new ideas, new assignments, it is natural to feel the emotion of fear. That does not mean you're not confident. You can be afraid and confident at the same time.

Belinda Gaston:

So I just wanted to clear that up, but can we pause for a second and let that sit? I think that's a great statement to let sit. So, if you're listening, I hope that you just heard what she said. I mean, we listen, but did you hear what she said, which is that fear and being afraid, especially going through transition, is normal to feel, but that does not mean that you lack confidence. I think that's a mighty statement and key takeaway from this conversation. Ok, go ahead.

Lisa Medley:

Yeah, yeah, I don't want. I like to set that record straight. Now, in terms of signs, the first sign is what are you telling yourself? So think about what you're thinking about. It's something Joyce Myers always says, and I love that because it reminds us that we really do have to sometimes pay attention or not sometimes often pay attention to our thoughts, right?

Lisa Medley:

The negative self-talk about what you can't do, what you are, not what you don't have that leads you down this confidence road, or lacking confidence. It can lead to a lack of confidence or be a sign that you know you need to make some adjustments. I'd also say, not speaking up, right? So one of the things we must do as leaders is lead, and that just doesn't mean productivity and that doesn't just mean results, although results matter.

Lisa Medley:

Leading often is in behavior, and when we are in the room and there's someone we disagree with, there's something that is misstated, then that is an appropriate time and there's a way to do it. Pardon me, but I think what I heard you say is this, and that is not my understanding. It really should be this, right? But I think what I heard you say is this, and that is not my understanding. It really should be this Right, and so it takes courage, but it also takes confidence Right. So that is a sign. When you feel that unction to speak but you just can't get it out Right, that's a sign.

Lisa Medley:

I also think that when we and begin to, there's a difference in embracing your opportunity areas some say weaknesses and really stewing in it, kind of like really allowing because we all have them right something and not so great as something else. But it's okay to not be great at something else, and great leadership recognizes when we're not great at something and we find someone who is Right. And so when you find yourself afraid to admit that you can't do something, that you don't know something, then it may be time right to do a confidence check right, because hoarding is not one of the things that we want to do with work. We want to delegate right, we want to share, we want to command space, and so those are a few of the things that come to mind.

Belinda Gaston:

Those are great, thank you.

Belinda Gaston:

So what I heard you say is that thinking about what we're saying to ourselves, our self-talk and that might be what we're saying might be a sign of our lack of confidence, whether we feel empowered, or whether we are speaking up in spaces that we know we should but we're not, and also being afraid to say I don't know or I need help, or staying in a place where you're constantly thinking of all of the things that you lack, could all be signs, and I can say that I think I've been in each of those spaces, I've had each of those signs before in my 20 some odd year career, and so I think, as for our listeners, as you are maybe sitting and listening and thinking about one of these areas, or you've identified that this might be a space for you, you know I encourage you to really kind of press in to what is being, what you're hearing, what's being reflected back.

Belinda Gaston:

A lot of times, when we listen, we, the first thing that comes to our mind is usually the right thing, and so, if you've connected with one of these areas, more than likely it's something, and so I want to, as we continue this conversation, encourage our listeners to connect there. You know, I think as Christian women, it's very difficult to admit that we have a confidence issue, because our trust is in the most high God. And so how can we as Christian women say I'm struggling in this area of confidence, but I have this God who can do all things, who knows all things and who can see all things? And I think sometimes, honestly, that creates either stigma or embarrassment or people kind of I've heard fake it till you make it. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that, which is a probably a whole other podcast conversation, but you know what do you think the role of faith? How does that play into this walk of strengthening our confidence as leaders?

Lisa Medley:

Well, faith plays the role that you allow it to play. I was having a conversation with someone I think it may have been yesterday and we were talking about, you know, one of my projects now, one of the things that I'm doing in my own career and my own business, and I was telling her that I remember being in corporate and having to sort of split myself because in corporate you don't. Well, I don't know how it is today, I imagine the same, but there wasn't the liberty, unless you were certain, to say I'm praying for you, or God bless you, or you know God's got you, or any reference to Christ, christianity, faith, prayer, belief, right. They say things like vibes and put positive things in the air.

Belinda Gaston:

Yes, Sending up happy vibes, sending up great vibes. I hear that often Positive thoughts.

Lisa Medley:

We have taught ourselves to mute that part of us right. And so faith has a role in everything we do, including confidence. But we have to give it permission, we have to allow it to be a part of who we are and we have to be unashamed. And it's okay to say, it's OK to know the rules, like, look, I know the rules, I'm not going to have prayer before we have this business meeting.

Lisa Medley:

But people, I mean you have a right to say I'm a Christian, I'm a believer, and one of the things I believe is this Right, if we're going to bring our whole selves to work, let's bring our whole selves to work. And so first I say, you know, faith has to be allowed to even be present and allow the room and the space and the opportunity to help you in the realm of confidence, in the realm of confidence. And then, I believe, once it has, once you give God this permission to follow you into the workplace, then I believe that faith plays roles in our direction. You know the word says that you know the steps of a righteous man are ordered Right, and that's part of faith. As you are making decisions, as you are leading others, as you are coaching, as you are mentoring as you are doing these things.

Lisa Medley:

I think faith's role is to guide us and to direct us, and I also think it plays a role in protecting us right. It covers us, it allows us to do things like take risks right, and I also believe it gives us peace, and that's something that is missing in a lot of corporate careers, because there's a lot of hustle, bustle, grind and um. I think that faith is there for us to tap into, to believe you know that there's peace available to us, even in the midst of all that's going on in the storm yeah, I love that and and I think it is a decision I actually made the decision.

Belinda Gaston:

Um, it was actually during the pandemic, so I think 2020 was when the pandemic hit. You started to shut down and I had just come to a place where I was. I think I was a bit you know what's the word I was looking for what was next for me in my career. Thinking about, okay, is this where I belong? Is what not necessarily brings me joy, because work doesn't always make us happy, but that I was having an impact in the way that I wanted to impact the world, even in my corporate space. And there was a woman who did a seminar on, I think it was, identity or workplace leadership or something, and in that she asked are you bringing your whole self to work? Well, my first thought was sure, I mean, I have locks, I have bright colored nails. All the time, you know, I show up in bold colors. I'm not the wear the black, although I'm wearing black today. I'm not the wear the black. Gray, I'm pink, I'm purple, I'm yellow, you know. But she pressed a little bit and she said what about the areas that people can't see? And I realized that I had been compartmentalizing my faith. But here's the thing, lisa people around me knew that I was a believer. They had seen me pray over my food. They'd seen me close my door when I was in the office, close my door and pray. They'd heard me say God bless you. So, even though I had compartmental door, when I was in the office, close my door and pray, they heard me say God bless you. So, even though I had compartmentalized who I was, the people around me, whether they were believers or not, knew who I was and there was a freedom. I made the decision to just walk in that and it changed how I work. It changed how I show up. It changed a lot about me, and so I'm really glad that you have shared that. So I know that we don't have much time.

Belinda Gaston:

I want to keep going here, so you shared your personal story a bit so that we could kind of understand what we mean when we start talking about confidence and leadership. You have told us the signs that might be present if we have some challenges with confidence in leadership, and we've talked about our faith. I would like people to lead with some practical application here, because that's the goal of Race. To Lead is really, you know, god's grace to help us navigate our leadership spaces, but also the practical application of what we discuss and how we learn and how we can apply that. So I'd love for you to share any tips that you have to help women who are leaders build their confidence. I think I've called them empowerment tips, but what tips would you have? Are there one or two things that you would say to a woman dealing with confidence as a challenge? Here are some things you can begin to do to help strengthen your confidence or build your confidence in your leadership space.

Lisa Medley:

Belinda, when I was, I think, becoming certified in emotional intelligence. I think it was. That's one of the spaces I work in emotional intelligence. It's the foundation of my coaching. That's one of the spaces I work in emotional intelligence, it's the foundation of my coaching I learned. I remember the instructor. So when you take an emotional intelligence assessment, the one I use assesses 15 different competencies and I remember the instructor saying whenever you see, you know a problem area, so to speak if she may not have used the word problem, but whenever you see an area of concern, always go back to self-awareness.

Lisa Medley:

And self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence and many other things. And self-awareness simply means understanding who you are and mastering that understanding, understanding in a way that in the moment you know what's happening, you know what emotion you are feeling and you know why. And there are not a lot of us who have that level of self-awareness, at that level in the mastery level, there are a lot of us who believe we're self-aware mastery level. There are a lot of us who believe we're self-aware. But to truly be self-aware, you, in order to address the confidence, you need to understand the roadblocks. You'll need to understand what's happening to you, to attack your confidence, and knowing the origin will always lead to the solution. So, first off, understand your emotions, label them, you know. Understand fear from anger, anger from sadness, sadness from all the other things, and remember that emotions are on a range right. And so there's a lot of work to do and there's. I'll try to email you the link, but Pletnik's Wheels of Emotion is a really great free resource. Go out online, type it in, and it's interactive, so it'll help you sort of understand what each emotion means.

Lisa Medley:

Next is accept, like accept who you are. You just told a beautiful story about hey I, there was a part of me that I was holding back that wasn't necessary. Right, accept who you are, know who you are, accept who you are and be unapologetic. It doesn't matter that you don't do it the way someone else does it. What matters is you do it the way you do it, because that is what sets you apart. And then, don't be afraid to take a risk. Right, don't be afraid to take a risk. Risks are career builders, and so, as we want to grow in any space, it's going to require us to take the leap. It's going to require us to take the leap, and so look for those moments when you can test drive it. Just step out a little bit and then a little bit more and a little bit more right and last, I would say feedback is empowerment wrapped in empowerment. Feedback is wrapped, empowerment is wrapped in feedback. Which way am I trying? Yes, yes.

Belinda Gaston:

Empowerment is wrapped in feedback.

Lisa Medley:

Yes, yes, feedback is a gift and we shy away from it. We sometimes, we, sometimes, you don't want no bad news. A lot of folks, you know you just want to hear it and it can, you know, take a little jab at your confidence when you learn that you're not doing something right or you're doing something not to someone else's liking. It can lead to self-doubt and lead to us holding back and peeling back. But if the goal is to get better and to be better and to do more and to grow, then you need the gift of feedback. That's going to empower you because it's going to tell you.

Lisa Medley:

I told someone once before it's like a GPS. When you take a wrong turn, the GPS immediately says, oh, reroute, you took a wrong turn and there's no judgment about it, right? You listen, you said, oh gosh, I took a right instead of a left, and then you go correct it. That's all this is Feedback is. It's not good, it's not bad, it just is. So look for it, give it, receive it with grace, accept it, and I'm telling you, it can be one of the best things for your confidence, because you'll learn how to. It builds resilience when it's not something you're expecting and it gives you confidence when it's something great about or or or positive affirming, or positive affirming right. So those are it Self-awareness, self-acceptance. Take risks, go after feedback.

Belinda Gaston:

I appreciate that. I know, for some of our listeners, of those four things, some things may be more difficult than others, and so I appreciate you sharing and these tips, you know. I would say, and I want to know if you agree with this, that this is all a process. It's not a one and done thing, and sometimes we can say, well, I've done that and it didn't work. Perhaps you need to keep going, would you agree with that? And it didn't work.

Lisa Medley:

Perhaps you need to keep going. Would you agree with that, lisa? Absolutely, absolutely. Things are situational, and so there's a model called situational leadership. I don't know if you've ever taken the training, but there you can be a master in one space and a novice in another, and a novice and another right, and things are just situation. And so, yeah, it's a process. It's always going to be something to learn, always going to be some curve ball.

Belinda Gaston:

So embrace it and ride it on out. That's great advice. That's great advice. So we've talked about a lot. I would like to ask you if you have any final thoughts, if there's any one thing you'd like people to take away as they reflect on this conversation what? What are your final thoughts? What would that be?

Lisa Medley:

well you know. My final thought is you belong, period. I hang my hat on it everywhere I go, because so many of us, even in our own homes, don't feel like we belong, don't feel like we belong. And it's such an important thing to remember because there's so many times we can feel like you know, based on our encounters and other people, and so many things can make us feel like we don't. So, whatever you do, remember that one thing If you don't remember anything else. I said you belong and take up all the space you can.

Belinda Gaston:

That's a great way to end. Listeners, listen, you belong, and I know that you only hear our voices, but Lisa is wearing a t-shirt right now that says I belong on the call, in the room at the table, and so I think that's a great way for us to end and I pray that you have heard. I pray that this has encouraged you. I know that you're wanting to know how to stay in touch with Lisa. So, lisa, if you could tell us, tell us how people can connect with you, if there's anything you have happening or going on that you'd like to share, please do so now for those who are listening.

Lisa Medley:

Yeah, so you connect with me at Lisa Medley, ec on all social platforms except LinkedIn, of course. Linkedin has to be different. You can just put in my name, lisa Medley. That is the platform that I am on most often. I am hosting I'm still hosting a morning devotional slash conversation. It's at 8 am Eastern Standard Time every Monday through Friday. We are right now we're studying Believing Bigger, which is written by Marshawn Evans Daniels. In fact, it's how we you and I met. That's how we met. Yeah, we're on a 100 day journey to Believing Bigger and it has been one of the best gifts God has given me in a very long time. So I invite you to join me in that space, and if you join me in that space and if you follow me on all the platforms, you can keep up with everything else I'm doing.

Belinda Gaston:

Excellent. Well, thank you so much. I knew this was going to be a great conversation. Your wisdom in this space and your knowledge and experience with helping women navigate through leadership clearly shows, and we are so grateful for you. So thank you for those who are listening. We'll have show notes for you, as well as all the things that there was a resource that Lisa mentioned, or kind of looking at your emotions, as well as the links that she shared on how you can stay in touch with her. We'll make sure that that is in the show notes. Thank you so much, lisa, for being here. I am honored and humbled for your presence. And, to our listeners, thank you so much for taking the time to listen. I pray that this has met you in a place that you need it. Until next time, join us on the Graced to Lead podcast. Bye-bye.

Lisa Medley:

Bye.

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