Ep. 5: Matters of the Heart: Leading Through Heartache

In this episode, I transparently share my struggles with leading well while grieving. I am honest about how that grief has, at times, clouded my focus, creativity, and emotional stability, and how I've taken steps toward healing. Through this intimate sharing, you'll see why our hearts matter as leaders. 

This episode introduces the series of conversations we will have on matters of the heart and leadership. Listen now and set a reminder for the next episode. You don't want to miss it!

Please subscribe to our mailing list to stay connected and get updates! Thanks for listening to the Graced to Lead Podcast.

Transcript

Belinda Gaston: 0:06

Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I'm Belinda Gaston, your host, and listen, if you are a Christian woman who leads at work or in your own business, you are in the right place. Here, you'll find practical advice and encouragement as you lead through real conversations that will challenge and inspire you. So join me on this journey to becoming better leaders God's way. Are you ready? Let the journey begin. Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I am Belinda Gaston, your host, and listen.

Belinda Gaston: 0:45

I have been a mess. I have, I've been a mess and I'm just going to be transparent in this episode because it's important that I share what I've experienced so that you understand what we'll talk about next. So that you understand what we'll talk about next. So, in my leadership, in the leadership space, in the corporate space, I have, in the past, over the last decade or so, I've prided myself in my ability to lead well. I have been really great at accomplishing tasks that I set or that were handling the responsibilities that I had in my life. I've been really good at thinking creatively and having a high emotional intelligence and doing all the things that I'm supposed to do as a leader. And you know, when you're a leader, the reality is, I would say, that you know 85% of the things that you lead or that you're responsible for, and not necessarily things that you're an expert in, and so the beauty of leadership is that you have the ability to influence others and to guide others and you lead them in making or accomplishing your goal right. So I've been pretty good at I've been pretty good at that, but something happened in my work life that changed how I have been leading.

Belinda Gaston: 2:15

My assistant project coordinator, friend Dionne, who I worked with for probably I think we worked together for maybe eight, nine years, might have been longer than that she died last year, late last year, and so that you understand the relationship that we had, we had developed a relationship in which we became really close to one another, where we would pray together. She knew me so well that she actually could predict what I would say or do in a situation, which made her help for me invaluable because she would think of things before I even asked. She also had a baking company, so she became a part of my family life because she would bake our holiday cakes and our birthday celebration cakes. Anytime there's a celebration, she would bake the cakes, and for her I was a friend. I was someone she could talk to, someone who she could bounce ideas off of. I would pray for her in situations and look out for her and her family, and so she was a part of my life and she died, and when she died, she was also very important to the work structure. So in our corporate space, she provided administrative support for multiple people, she coordinated multiple projects, and so there were many people that were attached to her and knew her well, and so when she died, I was devastated.

Belinda Gaston: 3:56

Unfortunately, I did not have the freedom to grieve in a way that I probably should have to grieve in a way that I probably should have, because, as a leader, I had to not only handle my own grief but lead other people through the grieving process. We had counselors for everyone, and people received what they needed from professional counselors. But how many of you know that if you're in a leadership space, you are still influencing, you are still responsible for helping other people through whatever their professional journeys are, because you are a leader. And so why did I say I was a mess? Well, because what I realized over the last six months or so is that my leadership has changed and it really hit me, I would say over the last few weeks haven't been able to focus well and I'm just being transparent here.

Belinda Gaston: 5:03

I find, after reflecting over the last few months or so, I realized that I haven't been as creative and strategic as I needed to be in my workspace. I've been even a bit emotional in the sense of my patience has gone. I'm known to be the person that is the calm in the storm. I'm known to be the one who can shift an atmosphere in a place just because of my positivity and what God has given me in this, in the way I lead. That's kind of part of my brand Right short with people. I've been frustrated with people. I've been a bit emotionally detached and kind of not connecting with folks in the way that I should, and I really didn't. I didn't even know that this was happening. Someone kind of pointed it out to me. Like you know, you're not quite yourself and I thought about it and get remember I said earlier in an earlier episode, I can be very reflective. I'm.

Belinda Gaston: 5:56

Part of why I think that I've grown as a leader is because I reflect on how I am. I handle my own stuff, I deal with my own stuff right, and so I realized that my behavior as a leader has changed, because I was grieving and I have been grieving for a long time and didn't even realize that I was operating in my leadership space, operating in leadership out of my grief. It's a hard issue, y'all, and so I have, you know, put some things in place to help me really get myself together, cause you know you have to I think we talked about this and I don't know if it was Dr Stephanie or or with Lisa but you have to get yourself together first. You have to, you have to recognize what's going on with you and lead yourself first. You can't lead other people if you're not leading yourself. And so I have begun that process. I've made sure that I've put some counseling sessions in for myself and increased my prayer, meditation time and really giving myself permission to pause, and we'll talk about that later this season.

Belinda Gaston: 7:06

But I needed to stop. I needed to stop and assess where I am Now. Why am I sharing this with you? Because, as a leader, it's important that we understand that the condition and the matters of our heart affect how we lead others. How we show up as a leader is completely impacted by our heart issues Our heart issues so much so I mean you know the Bible talks about these things, that you know Proverbs, I think it's 4 and 23 says to keep your heart with all diligence. I believe diligence is the word for out of the, out of it, your heart springs the issues of life, whatever's happening in your heart, no matter how much you try to hide it.

Belinda Gaston: 7:56

I didn't share with people that I was grieving. I didn't share with people that when I went into the office it's on the day that I went into the office every time I walked by Dionne's empty office I shifted in my behavior. I didn't like being in the space. I didn't share with people that the things that would happen in meetings that would make me think of her, those things were in my heart. But I guarantee you, if there are people who really know me, who have been used to working with me, probably noticed that there was something just different, something quite, not quite right, and they probably couldn't put their finger on it. But it was different.

Belinda Gaston: 8:35

Because why? The things that happen in our heart show up. They spring out, whether we say them or not, in everything we do, including how we lead. So I needed to stop and assess what was going on, and I've done that, and now and then I had to create a solution, and that's what I'm doing now. And so really putting some plans some time, some some time for me to grieve properly, talking to people that I need to talk to and really getting my mind right, because, also, the heart is the center of what we do, but also our minds, how we think. The Bible says it, I think, in Proverbs as a man thinks, so is he that your heart is the seat of your emotions. Your mind controls how you behave, and so my behavior and my emotions and how I lead, all are tied to my heart.

Belinda Gaston: 9:33

And so the next few episodes of the Grace to Lead podcast, we're going to talk with some people that I admire, that are wise, and we're going to talk about the matters of the heart. And as you prepare to listen to these next set of conversations, I encourage you to think about your own heart. What's going on in your own heart that may be impacting how you lead? Is there grief, anger, unforgiveness, disappointment? What is it that's in your heart? And the opposite of that is joy. Right, if there is joy in your heart, you lead from a joyous perspective. Listen whatever's happening in our heart. It impacts our perspective, it impacts our actions, it impacts our emotions. The heart matters, and so I hope that you are ready to embark on this journey with me. As I learn, we learn together how to handle the matters of our hearts as we lead. I look forward to having these discussions and conversations with you, and I'd love to have your feedback as you go through these sessions, because it's important that you know I hear from you and I'd love to have your feedback as you go through these sessions, because it's important that you know I hear from you. I don't you know. Whenever you start something like a podcast or a new project at all, it's always important to get feedback, and so I'd love to hear from you.

Belinda Gaston: 11:11

Remember, you can subscribe to the podcast. There is a link in the description to show you how to subscribe and if you subscribe, I am doing weekly drawings and so you may be able to win a gift from one of the speakers in our conversations. So make sure that you do that. Make sure that you also hit the subscription bell wherever you are listening. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or Amazon, or even in the Buzzsprout app, just make sure that you subscribe so you know when new episodes are coming out. They usually come out on Thursdays. It'll give you every Thursday.

Belinda Gaston: 11:48

And also follow me on social media on Instagram at I am Belinda Gaston, and also on Facebook. I have a Belinda Gaston page there as well. So I hope that you are ready, or at least that you'll listen to this next series on matters of the heart. I think it's important that we talk about it. It's something we don't talk about in leadership often, but I think these are necessary conversations. So come back to the Grace to Lead podcast and join us, listen in and until next time, remember that you are indeed graced to lead. Bye-bye now.