Graced to Lead

Ep. 6: Matters of the Heart: Embracing Influence and Healing the Heart with Dr. Nedra Buckmire

• Belinda Gaston • Season 1 • Episode 6

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Discover the profound impact of your heart on leadership as I sit down with the remarkable Dr. Nedra Buckmire. Together, we will discuss the matters of our hearts and how they impact our ability to lead.

This episode promises to illuminate the hidden intricacies of leadership, revealing how our will, intellect, and emotions are entwined at the core of our decision-making. As we navigate through personal anecdotes and Dr. Nedra's seasoned insights, you'll gain a deeper understanding of how to confront and process your internal dynamics to lead with both grace and conviction.

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Belinda Gaston:

Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I'm Belinda Gaston, your host, and listen. If you are a Christian woman who leads at work, in your own business or even in ministry, you are in the right place here. You'll find practical advice and encouragement as you lead through real conversations that will challenge and inspire you. So join me on this journey to becoming better leaders God's way. Are you ready? Let the journey begin. Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I am your host, belinda Gaston, and I have an amazing guest with us this week. I have with us today Dr Nedra Buckmire.

Belinda Gaston:

Dr Nedra Buckmire is not only a pastor, but she is also a master, certified life coach, a mentor and the executive director of the Raven's Hope Cambodia Mentor Program. Additionally, she is the founder of Hope Fulfilled Life Coaching. Her unwavering belief in the inherent excellence of every individual reinforces her sole mission, and that is to assist people in discovering, activating and releasing their unique brilliance, functioning as a catalyst and listen, I can attest to that. She is a Dr. Nedra. empowers others to bring forth what has been assigned to their hands. Her commitment lies in aiding individuals to rewrite their futures, helping them to realize, activate and release their inherent excellence. Her life is devoted to inspiring hope. Inherent excellence. Her life is devoted to inspiring hope, igniting passions and rewriting futures, creating a lasting impact on the lives of those that she touches. Can you just give me a virtual hand clap for our guest this week, dr Nedra Buckmeyer Buckmire Dr Nedra, welcome to the Grace to Lead podcast.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Thank you so much, Belinda, for having me. I am an honored guest, absolutely honored to be a part of this space of empowering and helping people to cultivate the leader within them. So thank you.

Belinda Gaston:

We are happy to have you and for our listeners. You know we've been talking about a lot of things, but today, for our listeners, we're going to talk about something that, as leaders, we don't talk often enough about, in my opinion, and that is the matters of our hearts, because, as leaders, we are often giving direction, we're often creating strategy and being responsible for those things that are external to us, and we often don't have an opportunity to talk about our own heart issues and Dr Nedra is the right person for this conversation and so we are going to talk about matters of the heart today, and let's start with something to help get everyone on the same page here. Dr Nedra, what do you consider to be matters of the heart?

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Matters of the heart are areas. We'll start with the first part. Matters start with the first part. Matters Matters of just even life period or just life situations, circumstances that have occurred in an individual's life but it's impacting their heart, not necessarily could be their physical heart, because we cannot function without a physical heart beating in our chest right. So the heart, the physical heart, is absolutely vital to an overall person's life.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

And when you think of me being a leader in the Christian community, leader even in the sacred secular space, when we think of the term heart, it speaks to our soul. It's synonymous with the word soul and so that soul speaks to our soul, it's synonymous with the word soul and so that soul speaks to our will, our intellect, our emotions. It's really the driving force of an individual. It's the center, the center of an individual, ruling center actually of a person or individual. And so we think about a matter. Anything that happens, whether it's good, bad or indifferent, rejection would be a matter. Or, if you're just greatly disappointed, life occurrences happen and we often don't always navigate through those situations in a healthy perspective. So then it becomes a matter. It becomes a matter that impacts your heart and when it impacts from a place where you haven't dealt with it and walk through it in a healthy manner, then it can begin to filter your vision and even how you lean. So that's what I have come to understand as matters of the heart.

Belinda Gaston:

That is an excellent example and a definition for us. To start with, and I love that you said that you know our heart. Is that soul, the soul the driving force of our hearts? Because some of us don't even really know the conditions of our heart. If we're honest, what does the condition of our hearts have to do with how we lead with our leadership.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Well, since the heart is the natural heart, it's what controls our life, our breath, the ability to be able to live, to be in existence, and the soul part of us, those occurrences that we talked about, the matters, the situations that happen, and, whether or not filtered properly, they begin to infiltrate our thoughts oftentimes, oftentimes our perspective. It infiltrates even how we respond, how we see things. So if we don't navigate through matters, situations, in a proper, healthy manner, it begins to influence our decisions as leaders. It begins to influence our speech, even how we approach a problem or even an opportunity. Because we have not properly filtered through how we have actually felt as a result of whatever that matter was. We'll suppress it, but not always navigate through it and just kind of dig in, excavate, unpack it and say, wait a minute, I was really upset when that happened and so we don't go back to that, we just let it roll away. But if those situations continue to occur and you continually become upset or resentful, whatever it may be, then that begins to filter through your decision making. It begins to filter through how you see individuals, just situations. So that that's how I've seen how our heart, matters impact our ability to lead, and then lead effectively.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Because leadership one of the greatest areas is influence. It's influence and I have a saying that I have crafted over the past years I believe the Holy Spirit gave it to me is that influence is a force but it's not forceful. Influence is a force but it's not forceful. Influence is a force but it's not forceful. When you have the ability to influence an individual, even systems, or you know something outside of individuals, you have the capacity to affect the character, the behavior, the development of that said thing, whether it's a person, an organization. So influence is powerful. It's a powerful force but it's not forceful. It doesn't knock you down over the edge, say you're going to listen to me. You show up in your excellence and when you, as a leader, who are impacted by areas where you have not walked through some spaces, it can build up and then it can begin to filter through your ability to lead effectively.

Belinda Gaston:

And I think this is a great moment to pause for a second before I ask you.

Belinda Gaston:

Something else I have on my mind here is a lot of times, we're not, maybe the primary breadwinner in our homes. We forget that we still have influence, and so, for our listeners, it's important for us to know that each of us has our own influence. And I remember, dr Nedra, you speaking about this at a corporate event, at a corporate training, and you talked about our spheres, our spheres of influence, and so I think it's important for our listeners to understand that you have influence. And one of the things that you said in that and it just came back to me as you were talking, but one of the things you said in that training was take a moment to think about the people who are watching you, and I don't know if you can elaborate on that a little bit, because I think that's something our listeners, those people. What would you say to those women who feel like they don't have a great level of influence? How would you help them to recognize their influence?

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

That is a great question when whether you are a homemaker, a manager of your home. Some individuals may think that that's a medial task, whereas I've been a home manager, I called it a position because you are managing the home. I had the ability to be able to stay home with my sons when they were younger and I loved it. I was able to interact with them. We were able to take day trips, but I, being their mother, was the individual that was influencing their lives. So the impact of a mother or a father is absolutely powerful. How we show them love, how we show them how we handle, you know, disappointment or either even being upset, you are influencing their behaviors because we learn. Psychologists say that we learn by our social interaction and by our cultural interaction. Some cultures are different than others. Some cultures may be more loving and affectionate, where others they may feel that you know not showing, you know touching or hugging and showing you know affection in that manner, it still means love because that's their cultural concept, and so we learn these social clues from our social and cultural concepts. But as a mother, you're a powerful influence to your children. You show them how to love. You show them how to, you know, move beyond disappointment.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Whether you realize it or not, sometimes you are influencing people by the way you dress. You could be, you know, either maybe a flamboyant dresser nothing against that or you can be, you know, more laid back and just more casual. You're going to have someone who's going to say, oh, I really like that outfit. And in that moment you're like they're like oh, I really like what you have on. Whether or not that may not have been a life-changing decision, you absolutely influence because you're like oh, I really like how they put that together.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

So, whether you think that you're influencing or not, you are influencing, even when you don't realize it. So that's why you must. We as individuals, whether in those places of leadership, whether we are the CEO, whether we are the mid-level manager, whether we are just part of the team that may not have a title that you feel like you want to boast about you are influencing by your behavior, how you show up, whether it's an excellence or not. So, whether you think that you're not impacting behaviors or development, or in any type of a performance or an organization, you are influencing by the way you show up in your excellence, whether you show up in confidence or lack of that confidence you are influencing. So it's important that when you do show up, show up in excellence.

Belinda Gaston:

You know talking about influence, and let me just tell you, Dr. Nedra, that was pivotal for me. You don't even you probably have very limited memory of this whole session, but in that, when I went to that session, I kind of went in thinking, well, I'm not quite a leader yet because I hadn't even been promoted into the place that I am now. But when you said that we have influence and to check our circle of influence, I was intentional, Dr. Nedra, of going back to work and looking at the people around me who may be influenced by my behavior, and it was eye-opening for me and so for our listeners. I hope that that's one of the nuggets you received today that no matter where you are in your leadership journey, as Dr. Nedra has just said, you have influence and leadership is influence, and so I wanted to make sure we talked about that.

Belinda Gaston:

Thank you for sharing that, dr Nedra, about that. Thank you for sharing that, Dr. Nedra, absolutely so. I want to shift a little bit and talk about your personal experiences here. We all have had our own heart issues in leadership, but I thought it might help our listeners connect a little bit to hear about, maybe, an experience you can share where you may have had a heart issue and it impacted your leadership, and I would love for you to share that, whatever you're comfortable sharing, as well as how you navigated that situation, because I think our listeners can learn from the example of others.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Yes, I am definitely open to sharing and being very transparent. Yes, I am definitely open to sharing and being very transparent as a leader. I did not wake up overnight with the knowledge, with the bumps or the scrapes or the missteps or mistakes. I didn't just, you know, wake up overnight in a place of maturity and being able to even speak to matters of the heart. It came out of and was birthed from my own what we may call matters of Nedra's heart. So, having had some faced trauma as a young girl and not really knowing how to process it in a healthy manner, it left me with unresolved issues, and those are situations or areas of impact from an emotional standpoint where I was incapable of processing the occurrences that happened in my life in a positive spiritual manner, mental, emotional and in a physical manner. So what did I do? I suppressed them. So they begin to. They were suppressed, but they were still pervading my thoughts, my decisions and even how I viewed certain situations. So, to make a long story short, I realized that there were some unhealed hurts that I had to be healed from. I believe in healing, that the Holy Spirit can absolutely heal the areas of our heart. Once we fully recognize what's going on. We may say something's happening, we may not be able to name it, but when you have the ability to think, ok, something's not right or I keep doing this, why do I respond in that manner? And that's what was happening to me. So, once I was able to confront it, to be honest with myself, I had to identify those errors because I wanted to be whole, I wanted to be a better Nedra, I wanted to be able to have the ability to look at something objectively and not from a place of woundedness and being hurt. And so I had to to deal with those unresolved issues and, thankfully, walk through healing and actually did speak to a professional counselor to be able to help me identify and give it a name, so that I can then because I believe in the power of prayer. So, as I naturally worked on those spaces, I also prayed and confronted them and began to, you know, declare some things over my life.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

And so what would happen in those situations as I was dealing with those unresolved issues, unhealed hurts and even, in some cases, unmet needs, when an unmet need is something that should have happened, whereas babies as they are born and they should be loved and they should be cared for, and so if that does not happen, then it greatly impacts the child. So if a space of nurturing was not given, then there's a lack of that and then you may reach out in other areas because of that lack. So that's what I mean about unmet needs. So what I was. I found that I was angry and I would just snap and I would, you know, lash out and I would, you know, you know, almost pick fights, almost look for them, because I wanted to confront you. But really, deep down within, it was these unresolved issues that I had not worked through and was not honest with myself at that point, and so that began to filter into my leadership as a young, you know, minister, newly ordained. Now, the call upon my life to minister and teach was absolutely sure, but I was in a space where there was unresolved issues and it was greatly impacting my ability to have a positive influence on those that I was called to speak to. I just want that to sit and resonate for a moment. And so, as I navigated as a young minister, I navigated in the space of not who Nedra was, and had to face those areas to have a better perspective, one of just myself and, secondly, being able to lead people from a healthy place. So the first thing that I had to do was to realize what it was that was causing me to act in a certain manner.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

The unresolved issues began to impact my really my personality and then my ability to be able to lead effectively as a young ordained minister in the church, in the church. So of course, I had to be very honest with what I was dealing with, be very honest with myself. And of course, I went through. I spoke to a professional counselor and believed in the power of prayer, coupled those together and begin to monitor how I interacted with others. No longer was I suppressing it, but I was confronting it. I was being honest with myself, oppressing it, but I was confronting it. I was being honest with myself, identifying them and being able to kind of weed myself out of that space of the I would say the negative influence that I was having on those that were listening to me as a minister. So, in essence, leading them. So those were some of the things that I had to do.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

In those particular areas where the heart issues impacted my ability to lead effectively and to lead even from a place of maturity. I had to deal with Nedra. I had to be honest with where I was. So I had to be honest with those things that had impacted my life. Then I had to begin to identify was. So I had to be honest with those things that had impacted my life. Then I had to begin to identify them. So I had to be specific and, being specific, I had to say exactly what was going on. Then I confronted them, because you can be identified but never confront. You confront them and that means you're looking at it head on and you're about to make a different decision. You're about to change the course and the you know the trajectory of where you were headed to. Okay, I need to do something different.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

So that's where I was able to bring in or attend professional counseling to be able to help me in those spaces, how to confront them and then be able to walk through whole and what I would also say in victory.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

And then you repeat that process as necessary.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

You be honest with yourself, you identify them, you confront them and, if you need to bring on, go to a professional counselor or professional therapist.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Absolutely, you can talk to your leaders, your spiritual leaders, who have the wisdom and insight to help you in certain situations and then repeat the process as often as necessary, because I do believe, as we go through our life, there are other things that may impact us maybe not to the degree as some things when you don't have knowledge, but then you have the ability to be able to begin to flesh those things out and say, ok, wait, a minute, that impacted me a certain way. Let me begin to, let me see, let me make sure that this is not gaining root and it's not going to end up influencing my ability to lead effectively. So let me deal with me so that I can therefore lead from an effective place and healthy place. So that's kind of how the heart issues impacted my leadership, but also how I was able to navigate by the help of the Holy Spirit and also professional counseling, to be able to confront and come out on the other side of it.

Belinda Gaston:

Thank you so much for sharing and you've given some very practical tips here.

Belinda Gaston:

And so you said that we have to be honest about what's happening with us, honest with ourselves, be specific about the thing and then confront that, whether that's you, I think in your case confronted it with the help of a therapist or a counselor, and those are some practical steps therapist or a counselor and those are some practical steps. It's dawned on me that there may be listeners who may not be able to even recognize that there's something happening. And I know for me, when I've had a heart matter that needed to be addressed that I was not aware of, it was always someone close to me, my husband or my children, who are like what is going on with you, where did that thing come from? But I don't think I don't know if everyone has that you know support system where there's someone that's with you more often, living with you, that can say wait a minute now, this is a thing for you. Are there tips on, or is there a way to uncover a heart issue if no one points it out?

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

When you don't have a trusted individual. Hopefully, the majority of people, or a portion of people, have someone that they would call a friend, and biblically there's a scripture in the Bible there's a scripture that says that friends are born for adversity. Now you would think, wait a minute, friend, adversity, those two are at opposite ends. But adversity, right. Adversity, I mean, is they're going to tell you the truth. And it's not from a place of trying to assassinate your character, it's not from a place of trying to be what do you call it? Disrespectful or any of those spaces, but it's because they love you, they want to tell you the truth. I want you to tell me the truth, no matter how hard it may be. Now, some different personalities may not be able to handle that, but you definitely want to. You don't want to surround yourself by people saying, oh, my goodness, you're so wonderful, I love you, you do everything. Wonderful because you know what it's just not true. It's just not true. Wonderful because you know what it's just not true. It's just not true. We all have blind sides. We all have those sides that we don't see, but those around us are very aware of them. So for that individual, that may not be really in tune with patterns, although there are other people around them, and if you're at a place where you're like, okay, I really want to know how, how do you view me, how do you see me? Are there some things that you see within me or that a pattern of when a situation, a certain situation or even similar situations arise? But and I act in the same manner all the time, and it's not a place of maturity, it could be a place of just seeming a little petty, or you really going to have to want to be honest. You're going to have to have individuals in your life that are very honest with you and then you going to be able to take it because now you've opened up yourself and so just know they're not telling me this because they're trying to be ugly and or to be mean. They're trying to be honest with me because I've asked them to. So if you're not, you don't have the ability to be able to pick up on things where a certain situation happens and you respond one way and it keeps happening, keeps happening, keeps happening, and it's not a place of maturity. It's kind of like you might want to address that.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Sometimes we overlook stuff because we want to overlook it, not because we're not in tune with it, because we're like well, I think it's right and I'm going to continue to do it. Well, it may not be right, because if it's negatively impacting the majority of people all the time, then it might be something you may want to address. Let's be honest with ourselves. So you still, in that instance, must be honest and have some trusted individuals that you can say, hey. So I'm really trying to, you know, be a better person, or whatever it is you want to call it.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

I'm trying to be mature in this space and I'm noticing that a couple of people have said this to me and I want to know what's your, because I don't see it.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

I want to know what's your perspective, this trusted individual that you know is going to tell you the truth. They're not going to sugarcoat it. That's maybe something that this individual who that may be able to pick up on it, but there's others telling them about it, but they're still seemingly blind to it have a trusted person to say hey, this is what people, a couple of people, have said. Do you notice this? There are definitely ways to work around it when you yourself don't have the ability to pick up on it. You can absolutely put yourself out there and say, hey, I'm really just kind of working on some, you know, self-development, just being a better person dealing with individuals and increasing my emotional intelligence. Yes, you can ask that, and that is a way that you can find out and see if, even if this person has not already told you, you can find out and see some areas of improvement or areas of matters of your heart that you may need to address.

Belinda Gaston:

Thank you for that, and I think there are two things that I want to pause on before I ask you for your final thoughts. Our time together has flown by, but I want to pause on two things that seem to be a recurring theme here, and the first is being honest with ourselves. You said that several times, and you even said that you kind of alluded to the fact that some of us already know that we have a heart issue, a heart matter. You just don't want to deal with it, and I've heard people say, oh, that's just how I am or that's just how I respond. But one thing I've learned from your mentorship is that, as a leader, we can't remain the same. What is it that you say? That living things grow.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Living things grow and growing things change.

Belinda Gaston:

Living things grow and growing things change, and as leaders, it's important that we continue the growing process and the changing process, and so I think that's a really important. I don't want us to skip over that. You said that, and then the second thing that you talked about, which has me even thinking of myself am I ready for this Is the confrontation period. That sounds like work. It's like I know. Do I want to do the work? Yes, so I did. I didn't want to ask those things, but yet honesty and do the work outside of the things that you shared and you've really dropped some wisdom nuggets for us in this conversation. Is there there any other thing, maybe final thoughts that you'd like to leave with us to ponder in our episode today?

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Well, first, thank you so much for having me as a guest. I am excited about your podcast and what you are doing in this space. But, as we do part, I want to just encourage every individual, whether you're in an official leadership role, whether you're leading your household, your family, a community, an organization, a company, any of these spaces you want to, and I know that you desire to be better and to do better, as just individuals make the commitment to do the hard work H-A-R-D, the hard work of heart work, h-e-a-r-t, the space of our, the soul. It's the really center of a person. That is vital to our growth, is vital to, like you said, the development and growth because living things do grow and growing things change. If you had, if a woman had, a baby, and at one week and two weeks and three weeks, the baby was doing the same thing at a year old, there is a problem. There's a problem in the growth of that baby. So, as leaders, we arrive to a pinnacle and I've often seen, even in corporate spaces, where individuals, when they arrive to a new level of leadership, there's a book. I cannot remember the author, but it's like you know what to do, either the first 90 days or what got you here, may not necessarily you may need to add some, you know other areas of growth and development to be able to lead in the space that you're in. So it's a continual space of just growing and being like I said that word honest with yourself, because that's what I had to be.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

I had to be honest that I was just, you know, mouthing off and just not being. It just was not a mature. Look for a minister of the gospel and even of a woman. Just you know, it just was not. So I had to confront Nedra. I had to come front and just like, girl, get your life together. Get your life together. What are you doing?

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Because ultimately, as a leader in the sacred space, a leader in the Lord's church, I wanted to bring honor to him. Ultimately, no matter what I do or say, I wanted to be pleasing to him and to bring honor to him. So I had to look at the will, intellect and emotions of my own life and align them with the principles of what I held dear to me, and those are biblical principles. So be sure to do the hard work, h-a-r-t of your heart. Work H-E-A-R-T. Because to the degree that we're willing to be honest and leading in purity. Because to the degree that we're willing to be honest and leading in purity, being aware of opportunities in our development, whether it's emotional or even skill or just spaces that you know that you need to grow in development that's a degree that we will receive and walk in a space of wholeness in the area of our own heart, and it will absolutely influence how we feed.

Belinda Gaston:

I think that is a great place for us to end. Thank you so much, dr Nedra, for your wisdom today. I know that our listeners have been taking notes, and this episode is probably making people think a little bit about themselves. And that's what we want to do we want to challenge ourselves so that we can grow and as we maneuver through our leadership journey, before we go, I just want to ask you two more questions. First, is there anything you're working on that you'd like to share with our listeners, anything that you want them to know? And also, how can people reach you? How can they stay in contact with you?

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

Well, I'll first say yes, I would love to share my contact information with everyone. You can, of course, reach me on social platforms. There's Nedra Buckmire, that is Instagram, whether it's Facebook. I'm also on Clubhouse when else am I? You can also connect me and check out some of my offerings via Linktree, and that's linktree. L-i-n-k-e dot T-R-E-E backslash N Buckmire by email hopecoachnb@ gmailcom. So those are some of the areas that you can contact Instagram, facebook. I'm also on X, formerly as Twitter, as Nedra Buckmire, so you can find me on any of those spaces.

Dr. Nedra Buckmire:

I released a book which is called Be Ignited the Power of One. It's a 31-day inspirational book and it's also journal kind of gives you a thought of the day. That it's the power of one, which so often is just one word that can really bring about a transformation as you read and as you respond to the time of reflect the questions that are really kind of probing, to cause you to think about what you've just read, and then how are you going to do differently from what you have just read? So that's kind of some of the things that I have going on right now.

Belinda Gaston:

Thank you for sharing and for our listeners. I will put all of the links and resources that Dr Nedra just spoke about in the show notes so you'll be able to get those. And again, thank you, Dr. Nedra for your time. Listeners, thank you so much for joining us and, until we meet again, thank you for listening to the Graced to Lead podcast and I hope that you come back again for the next episode. Thank you again. Have a wonderful rest of your week. Bye-bye.

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Belinda Gaston

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