Graced to Lead
The Graced to Lead Podcast is an empowering space dedicated to women, designed to inspire, equip, and nurture their leadership abilities in every aspect of life. We are here to remind you of the extraordinary God-grace you possess to lead with confidence and Biblical wisdom, whether in your professional endeavors, at home, in your business, or within your ministry.
Join us weekly for a journey of personal growth and empowerment. Each episode and post is crafted to challenge and inspire you, providing insights and tools that propel you forward in your leadership path. Graced to Lead is more than a podcast; it's a call to embrace God's grace to lead, even if you feel unqualified. Here, we believe in your power to gracefully, boldly, and effectively lead God’s way!
What to expect: solo episodes, conversations with guests, and even a few giveaways.
Graced to Lead
Ep. 8: Celebrating your Wins as a Leader (and Why its Sometimes Hard)
How often do you stop to celebrate your own achievements as a leader? During this episode of the Graced to Lead podcast, I share a personal story that prompted me to rethink my approach to self-recognition. After a conversation with my daughter, I realized the importance of celebrating even the smallest wins, especially as women in leadership roles. Join me as I recount my journey from setting low expectations for this podcast to surpassing them, highlighting the critical need to always acknowledge and celebrate our accomplishments.
In this episode, I share transparently about what hindered my self-recognition and what I did to change it. I also delve into the concept of false humility, exploring how it can mask our true achievements and impede growth. This episode sets the stage for upcoming discussions on leading with purpose, managing busyness, and granting oneself permission to rest, underscoring the necessity of leading with intention.
Take a listen and as always, remember, you are graced to lead!
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Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm Belinda Gaston, your host, and listen. If you are a Christian woman who leads at work or in your own business, you are in the right place. Here. You'll find practical advice and encouragement as you lead through real conversations that will challenge and inspire you. So join me on this journey to becoming better leaders God's way. Are you ready? Let the journey begin.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I am Belinda Gaston, your host, and listen. Today I want to talk to you about celebrating yourself, and the reason I wanted to talk about this is because we just finished a series of lessons on matters of the heart. Before that, we talked about leading and confidence and leadership identity, and those were all great and, based on the messages that some of you have sent and listen, thank you so much for even listening. First of all, and for those of you who have sent me messages, I really appreciate it. You have no idea how much that means to me, but, based on your messages, it's clear that some of these recordings, some of these episodes, have really been hitting people in ways that they didn't expect, having people change their perspectives on things, and in some cases, one person wrote that, you know, it caused them to shift how they did things, and that's that's amazing.
Speaker 1:And so, as I was reading some of the things that people were saying and responding to some of the things that people were saying, I was sharing this with my daughter. I was, you know, saying I can't believe that. You know, first of all, that anybody's listening, cause can I be honest with y'all? I mean, I try to be transparent here, but the truth is, when I started this podcast, I did it because I believed it was what I was called to do by God and it was something that I was given a few years ago. But I was too afraid to do it and so I really had low expectations. I'm just being honest. I know that leaders don't admit when they have low expectations, but I had low expectations of this podcast. I was just kind of like, well, if you know, I know at least 10 people will listen, because I counted my friends and family and that's it. I'm just going to put it out there and that's it Right. And so you know, when you have certain expectations and those expectations are exceeded, you know, technically you're supposed to celebrate, but listen, that's not what I've been doing. So I was sharing with my daughter about some of this and my daughter is younger, she's in middle school right now. I'm sharing with her some of this and she was saying she was asking. She started asking me a question like about a recent experience we had.
Speaker 1:My daughter was selected for an honors band program in our state. I was so proud of her, she did her performance. It was her first year in honors band. I wasn't one of those parents that was just yelling obscenely at the crowd and all of that. But you know, after her performance I really just, you know, celebrated with her. This is exciting. And she was looking at me like Ma, really, okay, whenever me or my brother or my sister do something, you shout, you cheer. You know I'm the biggest cheerleader, even for my husband is like, yeah, you did it. And she said she's talking about this and being really dramatic, in my opinion, of my responses to things. But then she says so then why is it so hard for you to celebrate yourself? And then she did what kids do and just kind of moved on and walked out.
Speaker 1:But I feel like that was a mic drop, right, and it's a question that kind of stuck with me. Do I celebrate myself at all? Do I celebrate my even in this podcast? This podcast right now is not the number one listen to podcast in the country. Podcast right now is not the number one listen to podcast in the country. But I can say that for what I set out to do, it has exceeded my expectations and I did it despite challenges with my family, challenges on my job you know, a very low budget, like I don't have the resources to pay people thousands of dollars to come on my show but I did it anyway and that should be celebrated.
Speaker 1:And so today I want to ask you leaders, do you take time to celebrate your accomplishments? Like, do you even think about, hey, there's something I need to celebrate today? And I would say that if you are listening and you have listened to some of the previous episodes and you've at all done anything different that has impacted how you lead, maybe now you lead differently or you lead in a more positive way, you lead more effectively because of something you heard and something that you delved into. That's an accomplishment, right, we can go so hard in celebrating other people, the people we love and neglect to celebrate ourselves. So, if that's, you keep listening, because listen, I know I'm not alone in this. I know I'm not the only person, and this is really interesting to me because I know high achievers. There are women around me who are leaders, who are considered the best of the best. They're high achievers and they still don't take time to celebrate, and so I want to talk about that a little bit today before we move into the next thing.
Speaker 1:So when we think about celebrating our accomplishments, a lot of times we wait for something big. It's like it has to be something really big, like we landed a major deal or we signed a big contract or, you know, we got a new job promotion. Let's celebrate. But I think that what I wanted to share with you today is that there are some small wins that also require celebration, and the reality is many of you listening as, as leaders, you are amazing leaders. I mean there are people you know leadership is influence are amazing leaders. I mean there are people we know leadership is influence right, and so there are people who are being influenced simply when you walk in a room because of who you are, and so because of that, we forget that just there are things that we we do every day, or things that we accomplish each week or each month. That actually should be, that's considered a success, that should be celebrated, but we move right past it because we're going to the next thing. And so why is that? Where did that come from us not celebrating?
Speaker 1:For me, I've identified three things and I'll share those three things and talk about kind of how I overcome those or how I'm trying to overcome them, because all of this is a work in progress, right, everything is a process. So you just you're on your way to get to the next thing, right. But the first thing for me I'll be honest with is permission to celebrate. Now, I know this isn't everybody, so I'm going to speak for myself and for those of you who can relate. Maybe you can come back and put a comment in or something and let me know that you can relate.
Speaker 1:But I remember being taught as a girl growing up that you know and maybe it could also be this would also be a generational thing. So I'm curious to people who are younger than me their experiences. But I remember being taught not to cause too much attention to myself or not to spend too much time focusing on what I did. It was almost as if I'll give you an example. I remember winning a French language competition when I was in school and I was excited about it. My mother, my grandmother, my family, they were excited about it and we celebrated and I remember my grandmother saying OK, that's great, now let's move on to the next thing, the next thing, right. So it was like a very brief moment of celebration. I had to move on and, and that was kind of how things were and when my mother died and maybe I'll talk about this in another episode but my mom died and I ended up moving in with my grandmother and that was just her way. She never paused, to kind of stop and say, yes, I did that.
Speaker 1:And let me tell you, this woman, my grandmother, is hugely accomplished. She had an eighth grade education but found herself in the space of public health, leading other people. In fact, there is an award right now named after her that's given out by the National Family Planning and Reproductive Health Association to other people who are doing outstanding work in family planning and reproductive health, because she was a person who did those things. She made a huge impact for women with her eighth grade education and I understand now, as an adult, reading about her accomplishments, how big it was, but she never celebrated, she never did. Her mindset was okay, we've done this thing, let's move to the next thing. Now, part of this is cultural.
Speaker 1:When you come from a place where you have very little or where you had to kind of pull yourself up by your bootstraps. It's almost this sense of I can't stop and reflect on this, I can't stop and celebrate because there's so much, there's more to do. I can't stop. I can't stop. But unintentionally she passed that on to me, that's what I saw, that's what I did. And so part of why it's hard for me to stop and celebrate is because it's like, ok, well, I did that, but I have to go and do the next thing.
Speaker 1:And as a leader, it's important for us to kind of stop. And here's why. So why is it important for us to stop and celebrate? Because it's those moments that motivate us, that keep us going to the next thing. Like you can find yourself in a place of burnout if you're just going from thing to thing to thing without reflecting on how you've grown, what you've done, what you've accomplished. And so it's that idea of that constant grind right, the constant grind which mentally, can do a number on you right. It can drain you, it can make you depressed, it can make you sad. It explains why some people, when they have a major accomplishment, they have this huge letdown because it's like, oh well, I did that, now what Right? How about we take?
Speaker 1:We decide as leaders that we are going to celebrate our wins, celebrate that thing that just happened, and not just celebrate it for a moment but stay there, because celebrating it is not necessarily equate to your slacking off. I think that's the message I got as a young person. It's, it's, you know, celebrating your accomplishments means that you're slacking off in the work. And can I say that's just not true, and I know that everyone. Again, this is my story, so I'm not at all projecting this on you. You may this may not be your experience at all I had friends whose mothers and fathers were there. You know they were the empowerment people. You know they gave them scriptures. Every day you can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made Like they got all that. That was not my story, and so it shows up as we just finished talking about matters of the heart. It shows up in how I lead.
Speaker 1:It's hard for me to celebrate. It's hard for me to celebrate even the small wins and the big wins, and so for me, that's one of those things. So I had to give myself permission to celebrate, permission to say, yeah, I did that, yeah, that was pretty good, yeah, that was awesome. Yes, I'm amazing, yes, I'm capable, yes, I'm confident, yes, I have accomplished this thing. Yes, I did that. Right, let me just take a moment to stop with the checklist, the timelines, the deliverables, the leading the people, the telling the people, the, whatever the things, and just say, wow, so happy and excited that I accomplished this thing. Look at me, look at what God did through me, look at how, like, take a moment and more than five minutes y''all and just do it. That was my story. So the first thing I had to do was give myself permission to celebrate, because that inability to celebrate came from a deep place Again, matters of the heart, a deep place.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I realized that hinders my ability to celebrate myself and my accomplishments is worries. I don't know if anybody can relate to this, but as women of faith, we don't want to necessarily admit that we have worry. It's almost like a stigma. It's like, okay, if you're a woman of faith, you can't fear and you can't worry, because it's the opposite of faith, and I understand that. But I also know that we're human and that we have worries. There are things that we, that we do worry about. You know and and and it's not. It's not that we're less faithful. It's not that we're less faithful because we worry. Now I will say that worry is not a part of our faith walk. But I'm also saying that it's human to worry. We know that the Bible tells us to not worry about anything and to pray about everything with thankful hearts and offer up our prayers to God. We know that when we are weak, that God is strong and we know that God has a purpose and a plan for us.
Speaker 1:But what I'm saying is sometimes the worries of life can be so distracting that even when we accomplish things, we go back to that place of worry, especially as leaders. Because here's the thing as a leader, you're not just taking on your personal stuff, but sometimes you are responsible for other people. If you're leading people, then you may have worries about the people that you lead. If you are leading a project, you may have worries about the projects, you leave it. You're leading a business. You may have worries about the business. If you and as a woman, sometimes we have our own personal worries, if we're parenting, if we're in a relationship, you know, the worries of life can can really get to us and and I call it a distraction because the reality is if you are focused on the thing.
Speaker 1:So, whatever you focus on I think Dr Nedra said this in her episode on Matters of the Heart the thing that you focus on is what grows right, not to say that you can't, you shouldn't, focus on some of those things that you're worried about because you definitely need. If something is worrying you, it's because it's a challenge and there should be a strategy to how to overcome that challenge, and you can pray about that and get God to share that with you, or you can decide, hey, this is something that I can't handle and so I'm going to let God handle it, but either way, there's something that that challenge should be addressed somehow. Right, that's what I'm saying. So, but if you focus on only those things you know, the things you don't have, the things that aren't working, the things that are worrying your mind, it's easy to miss the things that are going right. And so, for me, I had to have a shift in my mindset.
Speaker 1:When you focus on only the challenges or only the worries, it becomes a distraction for the other things that God is doing in your life. You can easily miss the blessings, you can easily miss celebrating those wins because you're so focused on the challenge right. And so I had to turn my attention to gratitude to help me with that, and the more I focused on gratitude, being thankful that God had put me in the position of leadership he's put me ining God for the opportunities that I have, for the skills that I have, for the family that I have, for the friends that I have, for life, for health, for shelter, for resources and provision. As I began to focus on those things, it also highlighted hey, here's an accomplishment or here's something that's worth celebrating, and it took my focus off the worry. And so if you are in the place where you're having trouble celebrating and it's not that you don't have permission to celebrate I would suggest to you that maybe it's, perhaps you are focused on the wrong things and that, and you're focused on your challenges and you're focused on your worries and that is the thing that's taking over your mind and preventing you from being able to celebrate. And the last thing I'll say and this is going to be I think this is an unpopular, or it's probably going to make me unpopular, and we're in cancel culture. So I'm just going to say it.
Speaker 1:But the other thing I found myself doing y'all is carrying false humility. Yeah, I'm going to say it False humility. So false humility. Is you putting up the sense that you are humble or that you have humility when you really don't, just so that other people can say how great you are? I am not proud of this, but I have recognized that this has been a part of some of the things that I've done and said in my life as a leader, and I had to stop it. So I'm sharing it out of transparency and hoping this is a judgment-free zone.
Speaker 1:But let me tell you how false humility works. So you know that you did a great job on something, but you don't want to say it and you say, oh well, it was a team effort. So I'll give you an example. You led some big project and it went well, and you thank the team. Well, you should thank the team, right, because no one does anything by themselves, but, as the leader, there are some things that you have done to make this thing, this project, a success.
Speaker 1:And so what false humility would look like is if somebody says, wow, you did an amazing job with this project and of course you do. You thank the people that you need to thank and then they say something like but you really, the way you led, that was amazing, great job. And you say, oh well, I mean I think it was okay. You know deep down that you did a great job, but what you want to hear is well, no, you did an amazing job. Well, you're just so good, you're just so great and and you're just so amazing. And it really does kind of puff up your ego. Now I'm just being real with y'all here.
Speaker 1:I have done this before and didn't even realize that I was doing and I thank God for revealing that to me where that, that, that that of wanting to hear people say great job it's almost kind of like how we do in social media. You, you know, if you are a heavy social media user, you can find yourself looking for the likes and for the reshares and all of that. It plays into that sense of telling you how great you are, without you seeming like you're seeking it out, because, of course, you don't want to be a jerk about it and you don't want to come across as conceited or full of yourself. Right, because God forbid right. Especially if you are a woman, I feel like this is harder. I think for men they kind of get it differently, but for women, this is a place and again, I'm just being transparent.
Speaker 1:Some of you out there have maybe never done this, but I'm telling you about me, and I have done this. It's embarrassing to speak, but it's the truth. The beauty, though, the great thing is that I recognize it and that I am stopping myself from doing that, because you know where that comes from. For me, I'm just going to tell you for me again, just for me, and again I would love to hear your comments on this one, because I did not intend to share this at all, so I'm just going to speak, but for me it comes from a place of wanting to feel validated. Oh, my Wanting to feel validated and wanting to be told that you are enough, because deep down, there's some heart issue, there's something that I needed to deal with, and these all go back to childhood for me, things that I had to deal with that made me feel less than or feel like I wasn't. I shouldn't have a seat at the table.
Speaker 1:What did Lisa Medley in her episode say? You belong in the room, at the table, you belong in the space. I forgot what the phrase was. So when you have a false sense of humility, what that does is it allows people to feed your need to be validated, to feed your need to To be told you're great. But as a leader and a woman of faith, we should already believe that God created us for such a time as this, for this position, for this leadership space, for what we're doing right now, that he has inherently put everything we need inside us, that we are fully equipped to lead. It comes from a space at least for me, it came from a space feeling like I didn't belong. And so when you are like that, when you have this false sense of humility, you can't really celebrate because you're too busy being humble.
Speaker 1:And again, I believe that people, I believe in that humility is important that we can't be so full of ourselves because listen, we didn't get us in the place that we can, you can say you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. But if you are a believer, if you are a woman of faith, then you know that God also intervened on your behalf because of the purpose he has for your life, and that you were doing the things that you were doing, which is great, because faith without works is dead. But you didn't get there by yourself and you didn't get there on your own. Somebody had to open the door. Somebody had to open the door, somebody had to give you the opportunity, somebody had to believe in you, right? So when you want to, you can't celebrate because you're just, oh, I just, I don't know, it's not me, I'm just anybody.
Speaker 1:At this point, I wish I could hear y'all, because, like anybody, false humility kept me from celebrating myself. And so when I recognized that I was not giving myself permission to celebrate, that I was allowing my worries to interfere with celebrating my accomplishments, and that false humility was also impacting my ability to celebrate, I started to change some things in my life, and this has been over years, years of time. I'm sharing this, but it's been over years of time. I actively practice gratitude, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude, because the reality is no matter what I'm going through, there's always someone who has it worse. I stumped my toe on the kitchen table. Somebody lost a toe. Somebody lost a toe, somebody lost a foot, somebody can't walk, somebody doesn't even have a kitchen table. Hmm, gratitude. I also gave myself permission to each week reflect on what I was most proud of. It sounds ridiculously cliche, I'll say. So does gratitude, but it is what it is.
Speaker 1:But I do take a moment every week, usually on Fridays, to reflect what am I proud of this week, what did I do well this week? And I write it down. Here's why I write it down. So I write it down. I have a journal. I like one of those old-fashioned calendars. It's funny, anybody have a dated calendar, like a paper calendar that you don't use for the calendar Because I have everything on my digital, my phone, my computer, it's all you know. My calendar is color coded with family stuff and work stuff and podcast stuff. So that's what I use and that's how I keep my calendar. But I have a physical calendar that I get every year and in that calendar I use it for like to-do lists. But I also use that space each week to put down what I'm most proud of myself for, like what did I do this week that I'm proud of, even if it's small.
Speaker 1:Listen, sometimes we have to be proud of the fact that we put the clothes in the dryer and then we folded them and put them away. They didn't stay in the basket. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but what am I proud of this week? And the reason I do that is because when I'm having the moments that I retreat because I'm not saying that I wake up with gratitude every day I'm just saying I'm intentional about gratitude, right, but when I'm having a week and, boy, sometimes I'm having a week, even this week has been a week for me. The last few weeks have been difficult weeks I can go back to what I wrote down and say remember that time you did that. Oh, my goodness, remember you did this, remember you did that. It's a way for me to encourage myself, and the reality is you have to encourage yourself sometimes. You can't expect other people to encourage you all the time, right? So I write it down and it's helped me to celebrate, it's helped me to have my own celebration moments.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to ask you the question here's the question of the day Do you celebrate yourself as much as you celebrate others? Do you celebrate yourself as much as you celebrate others. Are you your own biggest cheerleader as much as you celebrate others? Are you your own biggest cheerleader? As a leader? You are going to have some people who are cheering you on. There is at least one person who is all in about you. You are the best thing since sliced bread and low sodium chicken broth. I don't know. You are amazing and they believe it and they're there for you, but are you there for yourself in that same way? Right, who's cheering you on? Are you cheering yourself on?
Speaker 1:I would suggest to you today that, if you're listening to this, that you think about that and then you make a commitment to be your own champion, to celebrate your own wins intentionally. Which brings me to the next few conversations that we're about to have. Boy, we have some great episodes coming up, but we are going to talk about intentional leadership leading with intention. We're going to share a story from a woman who turned her purpose I mean, sorry her passion into her career. We're going to share a story from a woman who turned her purpose I mean, sorry her passion into her career. We're going to talk to a woman who encourages us to lead. Well. We're going to talk to someone who who encourages us to be intentional, even about our time busyness Anybody got an issue with busyness. We're talking to someone else about permission to rest and what rest does. These next few episodes are going to be great, but it's all about intentional being intentional in our leadership, and today I challenge you, leaders, to be intentional with celebrating your success, celebrating your wins, celebrating big and small you, and identifying, if it's hard for you to do so, what's keeping you from doing that, and addressing it now so that you can get in the habit.
Speaker 1:As a leader of success, it will also make it easier for you to cheer and other people's accomplishments on as well, and, as a leader, the people that you are influencing want to be celebrated by you. Maybe not in the same, you know, that's a whole other conversation about how, because some people like quiet celebrations, some people like open celebrations and, as a leader, you identify what your team needs, but the reality is we have to take a moment to celebrate our wins, celebrate our success, and do it for more than five minutes. I dare you. Do it for more than five minutes. Celebrate you, you are amazing. Celebrate you, you are amazing. You've done some amazing things in your leadership life, in your span as a leader, in your time as a leader, you've done some things. That's why you're leading. Celebrate it, celebrate it. And so I pray that, as you reflect on this question, that God will reveal to you those areas that may be hindering you from celebrating. And if you're already celebrating, if you're really good at this, I pray that you encourage another leader, another woman who leads, to do the same. Tell them what works for you, share what works for you, and let's encourage each other to celebrate.
Speaker 1:That's it today for the Graced to Lead podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for those who have subscribed. I do have giveaways each week, so please, please, please, click on the link in the description, drop in your email and subscribe.
Speaker 1:Description. Drop in your email and subscribe. You'll get some newsletters out about and I promise not to be spammy, but I'll send you a few updates about the Graced to Lead podcast and you enter automatically in a chance to win, and I will go ahead and post the winners, because I don't think I've done that yet. I'm going to post our winners so you can see what they've won. There've been some great prizes, so please subscribe, make sure you share the podcast. I would appreciate it and feel free to message me. You can actually chat with me directly on your podcast platform or on the Buzzsprout link or by email, but chat with me. I love to hear your feedback, if there even some of you have given me some great advice on how to improve the podcast for the next season. So thank you, thank you, thank you and again, just remember that you are indeed graced to lead. You are graced to lead. Thank you for listening and until we talk again, have an amazing week. Bye-bye.
