Graced to Lead

Ep. 17: Leaders Emerge! Overcoming Limits to Lead Authentically with Cheryl Singletary

• Belinda Gaston • Season 1 • Episode 17

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Have you ever felt bound by others' expectations or your own limiting beliefs? How has that impacted your ability to lead? What if you could emerge from that place and walk in purpose while confidently leading? This week on the Graced to Lead podcast, we are joined by Certified Life Coach Cheryl Singletary.  Cheryl's heartfelt testimony takes us through her journey of overcoming personal loss and transforming her pain into a mission that empowers others, particularly women, to realize their God-given potential. With vivid imagery and passionate insights, Cheryl illuminates the path from despair to destiny, urging leaders to breathe, stand confidently, and harness their unique gifts to make a lasting impact.

Leadership isn't just about managing others; it's about knowing yourself deeply. Cheryl walks us through the essential process of investigating the root causes that impact our leadership. Cheryl reassures those feeling overwhelmed, emphasizing that this work is crucial to avoid burnout and lead authentically. Leaders, it's time to EMERGE!

Despite last week's technical difficulties, we are back and committed to supporting your leadership journey every week. Join us and discover how to rise, shine, and activate your inner genius.

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Belinda Gaston:

Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I'm Belinda Gaston, your host, and listen. If you are a Christian woman who leads at work, in your own business or even in ministry, you are in the right place here. You'll find practical advice and encouragement as you lead through real conversations that will challenge and inspire you. So join me on this journey to becoming better leaders, god's way. Are you ready? Let the journey begin. Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I am Belinda Gaston, your host, and listen. Today we are talking about emerging, about your impact as a leader and even how your leadership impacts others. And I am excited about our guest today. We have none other than Cheryl Singletary on the show.

Belinda Gaston:

Listen, let me tell you about Cheryl. Cheryl is an author, she's a mentor, she's a coach, she is an entrepreneur. She is ordained to speak the word of God. Listen, her mantra is all things new, and it is her passion to see the body of Christ free from old stuff, old baggage. To see the body of Christ free from old stuff, old baggage and any obstacle that impedes progress in moving forward in this life's journey. And that means your leadership journey too, and Cheryl is an expert here because she is no stranger to obstacles, as she's endured the tragedy of tremendous loss in her life.

Belinda Gaston:

Her testimony envelops the life of a young widow who lost not only her husband, but parents, sister and closest friends within a five-year span. But she did not let the overwhelming grief and pain make her throw in the towel. Instead, she pushed forward and put her whole trust in God and worshiped through her tears and praise, through her pain, and now she is helping other people, other women, to emerge and to follow their dreams and their visions and to really have change. You know, change starts from the inside, and Cheryl believes that, and so she uses every gift, every talent. She even has a prophetic gift and she interprets dreams. She has so many gifts.

Belinda Gaston:

We'll have her talk about it. But listen, if you are in the place where you are feeling like you need to emerge into a better leader, if you feel like you want to have a greater impact on those you lead, or even if you're struggling with how leadership is impacting you, you are in the right place. So go ahead, have a seat, get your notebook and listen up as we welcome Cheryl Singletary to the show. Cheryl, welcome to the Grace to Lead podcast.

Cheryl Singletary:

Oh my God, how are you? I am so honored to be here with you. I am elated just to sit here and have a conversation about my passion, and that is to help women emerge. Help women take every God-given gift within them and emerge. It's a collision of purpose and potential, so I'm happy to be here with you.

Belinda Gaston:

I'm so excited. I'm so excited because I know, Cheryl, you have poured personally into me and helped me as a leader, and so I'm excited for our listeners to gain some of your wisdom. And so I think we should start with that word emerge, because I know that you also have a coaching program called Women Emerge, and in that program your goal is to help transform leaders, transform their God-given purpose by activating their inner genius, and so I feel like you are the expert of emerging and impact here.

Belinda Gaston:

And so let's talk about. Let's kind of take our listeners through this journey for a moment. Tell us what you mean by emerge.

Cheryl Singletary:

Oh, my goodness, what does emerge mean to me? So every time, every time I see the word emerge, I see this picture, and you must know that I am very visual. My imagination is out of this world. But every time I see the word emerge, I see souls, with not any particular face, rising up from dark places, particular face rising up from dark places, whether it is a bottomless sea or a pit of dark gravel dirt. I see souls arise and powerfully break through. It's a journey to freedom I always see. It's so vivid to me to see someone come out of a bound place or a stuck place and emerge, or even blossom into who God intended them to be.

Belinda Gaston:

That's what emerge means to me I've never quite thought about emerge that way before. And I think it's so relevant for our leaders because a lot of leaders, particularly women leaders, we are stuck. Some people are in places where they're stuck in their leadership journey, they're stuck in their life, they're stuck trying to find their purpose and all of that has impact on leadership and so emerging in the way that you've just described it, with coming out of a bound place or coming out of a stuck place, and emerging despite, you said, soul. So emerging despite what may be on the outside how they look, how they dress, how they. But why is this concept of emerging so important for those who are in leadership spaces?

Cheryl Singletary:

Now, in the continued picture of which I vision or envision when I am working with individuals. The first thing that happens when they come to surface is breathe. The first thing is they let out a breath of finally reaching a place where they can be free, where they can breathe. And the second thing they do is stand. I see them standing like super women, with muscles built up and powerfully confident, ready to impact the world with their purpose and their faith renewed.

Cheryl Singletary:

So the call to emerge is not a cliche or a slogan. It is a demand for you to shine in this dark, perverse world. So it's indeed a journey. It's a journey to find that thing, to find the true you that God put his hands on when he fearfully and wonderfully made you. The intended purpose of these gifts and these characteristics that God gave you, it's potential. And you know what potential means All of our gifts, all of our characteristics, that came from the omnipotent God. The omnipotent, all-sufficient, full of power and potential God. It's that thing, this God that is so full of everything all the time places his breath upon us and he does that. His breath contains the power to become. His breath contains all that we are to do to impact this world. To influence this world, we have everything we need God-given need to find our purpose and what we need to do in this world for his kingdom.

Belinda Gaston:

Thank you for sharing that, and so it sounds like what I hear you saying is that part of why emerging is so important is because it does allow you to first breathe. And when I heard you say breathe, I immediately thought about the weight of leadership and how some of us are leading in spaces where we feel like we can't breathe because of responsibilities, because of being misaligned with our purpose, because of not feeling joy or passion or whatever those things are. It's that it's stifling. And so what I hear you saying is that, as you go through this process of emerging into the leader that you are destined to be, that you're ordained by God to be, it allows you to have that freedom, but also, you said, to stand, and I think so often many of us who lead are in places where we are not confident in standing in those places, and so for leaders, women who lead, it's really important that we go through this process where we can emerge to be all that God has called us to be.

Cheryl Singletary:

You know that breathing, when you even say breath, we have to understand. The scripture says that when the Lord blew into the nostrils of man, he became a living soul. And we, as believers, as leaders, as emerging women, we forget about our soul. We forget about our will, our intellect and our emotions and therefore we get so overwhelmed with trying to be what we create that we forget to breathe. And the Ruach of God, that breath is just not for a one and done thing. He teaches us that his breath, his breath, is our power to live. His breath is the reason that we are who. We are living souls.

Cheryl Singletary:

And when we neglect our soul, when we neglect our will, our mind and our emotions, when we neglect those places, we find ourselves in bondage. We find ourselves closed in, closed off and not able to not just breathe but to even move correctly. Without the breath in your lungs, when your breath is taken away, you are incapable of really thinking, moving. Everything is affected by our breath. So when we come through this freedom process, if you will, when we come through this freedom journey or this journey to freedom, the first thing that we realize we're not breathing, the first thing that we realize is that I haven't taken a breath in a long time and I like this part of the journey and in the journey to emerge, the first thing that we realize is we go into places to free us from the bondage of what people think we should be and free us into living in what God says, who we are free us into living in what God says, who we are.

Belinda Gaston:

Wow, and I want to take a minute to highlight something that you said and have you expound on it a little bit. One of the things that you said is that in this process of emerging, we get to the point where we stop trying to be what we created us to be. And then you said that it also helps us to free ourselves from being what other people say we should be, and so I'd love for you to expand on that, because I think that leadership in general, especially as you get higher in leadership levels in corporate spaces, as you begin to lead your own businesses or organizations or ministries, oftentimes we have a set idea of what we think a leader should be, how they should respond, how they should act, and so we put all of these preconceived notions on ourselves, which also brings unrealistic expectations for us, that's true, and then we try to live up to these things and become these things, and what I hear you saying is no, god's already created the blueprint. We just have to get in touch with that.

Belinda Gaston:

So can you talk more about that, about getting in touch with God's blueprint and stripping away the expectation of others and stripping away our misconceived notions of who we should be.

Cheryl Singletary:

Right. Everything starts underground. Underground, and what I mean by that. It is the place that we don't allow others to see, or the place that we hide from others. This place underground is a humbled place of the real you. It's often hidden behind background noise and background voices, but getting to who God says you are is wrapped in the package of him presenting himself as the I am. You know, moses was called as a great deliverer, but it wasn't until he was in the trenches and in the throes of actually being killed because of who he actually was, that he was humbled in a place and the I am came to speak with him and to encourage him to be who I said you are. It's amazing that God says that he is the I am.

Cheryl Singletary:

I am that I am, and in emerging, we explore rooted areas and closed off areas that has kept us bound into others' thinking, or even our thinking closed in enslaved, and dig up the roots that have kept us under, if you will, kept us from the ability to rise. I kind of parallel it with the work of abolitionists like Harriet Tubman. She's my favorite abolitionist. One of the things that she said that really really made me think was I would have freed many more if they knew they were slaves. If they knew they were slaves, they knew they were slaves If they knew they were slaves.

Cheryl Singletary:

And a lot of times we are bound by what others have said or what others expect from us, and we have closed off who we are. We are left in a place we don't know who we are, and you can't be free if you don't know that you're in bondage. And so when you when one of the works that I do as a certified life coach is to bring people out of their own bondage, the bondage from knowing them, the bondage of being free, by allowing them to go into these dark places, into these untold places or these places that have been buried by other people's thoughts, or even your thoughts, and pull them up out from the enslaved version of themselves and bring them to freedom.

Belinda Gaston:

That's amazing and it's necessary work, and I think that's a moment where we pause as leaders during this conversation and just reflect on that. The question of am I somewhat bound by other people's expectations or even unrealistic thoughts of who I should be as I lead? Wow and so I like, because I told Cheryl, you seem like you have it all together, I mean you have it all together.

Belinda Gaston:

You have all the answers and I know in the bio I shared that you've kind of walked through some things. But do you mind sharing personally how maybe in a way I know you can't tell the tell a whole story here, but is there in your own leadership journey? No-transcript.

Cheryl Singletary:

Absolutely. My journey actually began as a young lady when my first husband passed away from a heart attack. My husband was also a worshiper. He was a musician, played the bass guitar.

Cheryl Singletary:

We loved the Lord, we were the Christian and for those of you who can't see, I'm putting up air quotes. We were the Christian family who came to church and not only served the Lord through our gifts, but we served the people and we were very influential in the young adults. We were the house that people came over to have over. The young adults would come over to have dinner and just to hang out and just to be under our skirts, if you will. We loved the Lord, we had fun, we lived life like we should. We had, you know, the three kids, you know house, car, picket, fence, you name it.

Cheryl Singletary:

And one Wednesday we came home from Bible study late, put the kids to bed and my husband fell slain to a heart attack. I was awakened to his fall and crashed to the ground and I want to tell you that my whole world shifted in that moment. I didn't know what to do physically, emotionally. I kept trying to push my faith forward instead of fear, and pray those prayers. You know the prayers. We're taught to pray Satan. You lose my husband. You get up while I have 911 on the other line trying to vacillate through CPR and nothing was working. Nothing was working. He lay there, the strong man that he was. He lay there and my life lay there with him. Like who was I outside of, who he was? And when he was pronounced dead, I died too, because I married him out of my mother's house.

Cheryl Singletary:

I was a young wife, I was only 20 when I got married and everything that I was lie there in the lifeless body of my husband. My life for the next few years was about finding myself. I lost who I was. My identity was lost in his lifeless body, my identity of what I was told I was and even what I felt a good wife should be, one that is under the leadership of her husband and being his help meet, helping him meet the goals that he should. So I somewhere lost myself in the joining of becoming one in the marriage, and so when he died, the me that I thought I was died too. So I was clinging, trying to find who was I anyway. And I was sitting back One day in the Lord said to me Moses, my servant, is dead, and that sentence he said, to put my husband's name there. But he has work for me.

Cheryl Singletary:

And I began to emerge from the grave of grief, the grave of who I thought I would die, you know, or be raptured from. And I became, through intense studies, worship, understanding, even therapy, finding who I was. And one of the things that helped me greatly was finding those things that God said about me. What was I called to do? How was I called to influence? What was I called to influence. How was I to live outside of who I was?

Cheryl Singletary:

That's one of my stories of emerging. I found that the gift of deliverance, which is what all emerging is, is being delivered from a place to impact the world, of what god intended with his fingers when he fearfully and wonderfully put his hands on us. When his hands were on us before we were anything, we were a purpose, and so getting to those points by investigating and taking deep, soulful dives into us is how we emerge into being what we're called to be, and that's where we make the most impact. We make the most impact when we know our purpose and everything we do is knitted together in knowing our purpose of why we were created.

Belinda Gaston:

Thank you for your transparency and sharing that. I've heard bits and pieces of that story, that portion of your story, your journey, before, but I don't think I've heard it in that way, and I am indeed moved and also inspired, because I think that you've demonstrated why emerging is so important. Had you not emerged from that place, all the women who have been impacted, all the leaders who have been impacted through the Emerge program, would not have had the opportunity to do so, and so thank you for sharing that and for our listeners asking you this question of what are those places that are impacting your leadership that you need to investigate. That's the word that Cheryl used investigate, go deeper in. One of the things we've talked about on another episode is that, whether you know it or not, leader, these things are impacting how you lead, how you talk to people, how you handle situations.

Belinda Gaston:

All goes back to that deeper place, and so, cheryl, I'd love if you could give maybe some practical tips first, and maybe I want to break this down into two areas. So we'll start with the first area. Is what if I'm a listener leading now and I'm thinking I need to emerge from some place, from a place, from several places, or maybe thinking I don't know if this is me, but I'm feeling something. What kind of tips or practical advice would you give to that person, that leader who is in the place saying either I don't know if I need to emerge from someplace, but something here is resonating with me and I need to emerge, but I don't know where to start.

Cheryl Singletary:

Well, the first part, as we have said a couple of times here, is doing some root work, root causes of who you are, because the root is where everything springs up from right, the root. So going and doing the dirty work you know, I mentioned Harriet Tubman and how she was a great deliverer and she worked through dirty systems at night. Having to deep places, places that are underground, is a grueling work, because discovering you has to begin at the root. And so doing some introspective work, finding what came from your generation. We have generational blessings and we have generational curses, but the only way we know how to differentiate the two is going deep and finding rooted areas, rooted problems. We all have them, we all have dysfunction, we all have things in our roots that we don't want to talk about, that we don't want to even see. So we have to go through those. To the dirty work first, beneath the ground, beneath the skin, and that is going beneath what people see, into what only you see. Going into walls and rooms of places that you know in our house that we keep secret, the closet full of the everything, or the drawer full of the everything that we keep secret. Going in those places and finding the things that we are rooted in. Once we find the root, we uproot those things, and we do that through the power of prayer, but also surrendering and understanding, saying yes to this is who I am. This is who I am, this is what I've been hiding. But the Lord gives us grace to uncover, not to expose us, but to free us and to understand who we are. We walk in the truth of who he is. We walk in the truth. Knowing the truth makes us free. So the truth is not our truth, the truth is Jesus. And in the program, when we get to this point about walking in truth, you know how we love. Especially women say this is my truth and I'm going to stand in it. You know how we love. Especially women say this is my truth and I'm going to stand in it.

Cheryl Singletary:

Jesus is the way, the truth and life. So we have to understand his truth, his word, who he is, who he made us to gain freedom, to emerge. Then we find the courage to emerge. Then we find the courage. Courage is a great thing and be encouraged is throughout the Bible. A tremendous amount of scripture starts out with be encouraged, be encouraged Finding the boldness that comes in the freedom of knowing who you are and standing in that, you gain courage, you gain the muscles of faith, and then we are competent enough to arise. Let all those things go and emerge victoriously. So it's processes, and the process is all about you. It's this emerging is a grueling work of sitting back, taking off all your hats, all the things that make you you, and understanding the God in you, his potential, his breath, his breath of purpose, allows you to be free. It gives you a strength, a great strength, to walk in this world and make the impact that is needed, that you are called to do.

Belinda Gaston:

This sounds like a lot of work. I mean, as a leader, I'm thinking well, we're already leading the people or the projects or the things, and now I'm seeing that, oh, this might be a issue for me. I need to explore, to uncover, to investigate, but I don't know if I can do this. What if somebody say that I don't know if I can do this and I don't know if I can do this alone. I don't even know if there's time for this. What would you say to that person?

Cheryl Singletary:

even know if there's time for this. What would you say to that person? Well, what happens is, as you're doing all the things that you are required to do as a leader whether you're leading a corporation or leading run into yourself again. Or you run from yourself again the nights that no one sees you after you've completed the fifth grant, or you've completed the training, or whatever you do after you've completed ministry, and you lay in bed and you find out that you are tired, withdrawn, really burdened down with doing it all by yourself, with the untruth of who you are, by yourself, with the untruth of who you are.

Cheryl Singletary:

So is it grueling? Is it time filled? Yes, but it's necessary, because you'll run into walls. You'll keep running into walls of tiredness and running from those things that make you not sleep and trying to please others. And really the reason that you were created again was in that breath that God gave you. So finding the purpose that he breathed his breath in your lungs is really finding a freedom to do what he's called you to do, because you've been equipped with that. He put that potential in you. So I would tell them that yes, it is. I would agree. Definitely time consuming, definitely something that takes time, but the reward is fulfilling. It's necessary. It's necessary.

Belinda Gaston:

I feel like we've heard this before in a previous episode, when Dr Stephanie Kirkland talked about identity. It's one of those things that you don't have a choice not to. You don't. And so for those people who are saying, okay, I'm willing to do the work, but I don't know where to start, are there resources that can help people get started that can?

Cheryl Singletary:

help people get started. Sure, sure. There's resources, there are all types of venues, practices, coaches that can help you get to the true and intended you. Whatever you're road you take, just understand, whether it's therapy, whether it's coaching, whether it's setting time to go through a wonderful program like Emerged, it is important that you find someone that can coach you through. Find someone that can influence you, which is another great word for impact, because great leaders understand the humility and the humbleness of coming under and serving or being teachable, being under those of influence, so you can influence too.

Cheryl Singletary:

The Bible says that we are to be salt, which is an influenced thing, and light. So to burst through and to be influenced or to be impactful, you must first be impacted with those who have gone through, those who have gone through the trail of freedom, those who have know the way and know how to get you there, through the dark, through the mud, through places of discovery, those who have tread the path themselves. First, get you a good coach, get you a coach who knows the Lord, get you a coach who understands the scripture, the word of God, because it's the word of God that fulfills us, it's our faith, it's our understanding of faith, understanding the truth of who God is. That helps us understand that I am, of who we are. So get your coach. Find a program. I would love for you to find Emerge, but find a program that will help you find you and find the potential that collides with purpose and influence, who you will be in the earth.

Belinda Gaston:

Thank you for that. I think that you have said it all, I know, but I highly recommend the Emerge program and we'll share that information in a minute. But, cheryl, I think that you've given us a lot to think about, I think, as listeners. I'm sure that there's at least one person and that's what we're trying to do here at Grace to Lead is to if there's just one person that's impacted. That's what we want, and so I believe there's at least one person right now thinking man. Cheryl has put into words everything I've been feeling, and now I'm ready to emerge, and so, before I ask you to share anything you have going on and how people can connect with you, I do want to give you an opportunity to share any final thoughts. You have shared quite a bit, so there may not be more to say, but do you have any final thoughts or anything you'd like to leave with the audience before we say our farewell?

Cheryl Singletary:

Absolutely. I want to talk just briefly about God given framework in helping people emerge, given framework in helping people emerge. And it actually came from a dream. It came from a dream and I woke up from the dream and the Lord said to me I call you Sharus, and I was just like I know that has to be some type of Hebrew word or something.

Cheryl Singletary:

What in the world is shawroots? And I found out that the word shawroots it means gold, yellow gold, and it talks about the refinement of becoming and how you have to go through the refiner's fire or go through understanding, burning off what was, and becoming what God called you in and called you forth. From that, just from that word, just from that meeting, is how Emerge Women's Mentorship came through, and it's from a Charut's framework. And those framework include clarity, holistic development, action planning, resilience, understanding self and others, and transformational learning and support network. That's the framework of finding yourself, the framework of getting clarity of how to move, whether it's corporately, whether it's spiritually, how to move with what you are made, understanding the clarity, holistic development, action planning, resilience, building, understanding self and others, and then transformational learning. And I wanted to say that is because this framework, although it was God-given and framed in this word. For me, those essential things are paramount in helping you rise to what you're called to be.

Belinda Gaston:

So, please, please, please, find you a great coach that can help you, and I'll plug here that Cheryl is a great coach. So, cheryl, tell us how people can connect with you and if there's anything else you'd like to share that you're working on. But how can people reach you and how can people connect with you?

Cheryl Singletary:

Well, in order to, to go to the website, at bitly forward slash, women plural emerge and there you'll find out all that you want to know about our program. We're excited. We take 12 women at a time so we can make sure that we're spending time with you. 12 women, 12 weeks, 12 emerging principles, where potential collides meets with purpose. That's how you can reach me for the program. Our summer session starts and it's full, but our winter session starts September 9th, but our winter session starts December the 2nd and there are people waiting there. So what I would do if I were you is go ahead, say I'm ready, pay for your winter classes, because I'm telling you as soon as it's open. I hardly get to open. I'm on my second core cohort and by the time it's time for me to open registration, it's full. So go there, get in a good, godly led program that will help you rise and come forth.

Belinda Gaston:

Do you have another place that people can reach you?

Cheryl Singletary:

Yes, you can reach me on Facebook under my name, cheryl Singletary. That's Cheryl with a C S-I-N-G-L-E-T-A-R-Y, and you can also meet me over on my page, dreamer of Dreams, and I'm also on Instagram as the Dream Girl I think Dream Girl, and I'm also on TikTok. All of your social media platforms I am on, but my favorite places to meet you at is Cheryl Singletary, facebook, and then, of course, through my website, women Emerge Mentorship Program Amen.

Belinda Gaston:

Excellent. Thank you, and for our listeners, I will place all of the ways that you can connect with Cheryl, including the information about the Women Emerge Mentoring Program. Again, the fall session has already filled up to capacity. It starts in September, but she also has a winter session starting December 2nd, that you can actually go on to that site and, if you're interested, go ahead and secure your spot now before it fills up. 12 Women is a very intimate group, and so you can imagine that they fill up quickly.

Belinda Gaston:

Cheryl, I just want to say thank you so much for the wisdom and transparency that you gave us today. I think that those of us who lead are probably leaving this conversation thinking about have I emerged fully and wholly and, if not, what kind of work do I need to do to get to that place? And because, as leaders, we all want to stand and we all want to breathe, and I think emerging, as you've described it, is the way to do it. So thank you for your time today with our Graced to Lead podcast and our listeners, and so for our listeners, thank you. Remember you can always contact us if you're listening on the podcast, if you're listening on the Buzzsprout page, you can actually text me and it comes directly to me, but you can also contact me through the Graced to Lead page and that information is listed in the description box.

Belinda Gaston:

And finally, just remember that we are here every week. Last week we had some technical difficulties. I did get your messages. Thank you for checking, but we are back and, as always, remember you are indeed grace to lead. Until we speak again next week, have a wonderful week and a very blessed day.

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Belinda Gaston

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