Graced to Lead
The Graced to Lead Podcast is an empowering space dedicated to women, designed to inspire, equip, and nurture their leadership abilities in every aspect of life. We are here to remind you of the extraordinary God-grace you possess to lead with confidence and Biblical wisdom, whether in your professional endeavors, at home, in your business, or within your ministry.
Join us weekly for a journey of personal growth and empowerment. Each episode and post is crafted to challenge and inspire you, providing insights and tools that propel you forward in your leadership path. Graced to Lead is more than a podcast; it's a call to embrace God's grace to lead, even if you feel unqualified. Here, we believe in your power to gracefully, boldly, and effectively lead God’s way!
What to expect: solo episodes, conversations with guests, and even a few giveaways.
Graced to Lead
EP. 18 - Finding your Tribe: How to Overcome Leadership Loneliness
Ever feel lonely in your leadership role? You’re not alone. In this episode of the Graced to Lead Podcast, I open up about my struggles with leadership loneliness and how it can affect your mind, decisions, and even your success. We’ll talk about real, practical ways to build a supportive network that will help you find strength, new perspectives, and a sense of community with other Christian women leaders.
Trust can be hard, but it’s critical to forming real connections. You’ll learn how to be intentional about building relationships and joining peer groups that offer a safe space to grow and support one another.
It’s time to break free from isolation. This episode will help you see the potential for meaningful connections and how mentorship and peer support can change everything. Plus, join me in a seven-day challenge to reconnect or start new relationships. Remember, you don’t have to lead alone—you are Graced to Lead, and you have the strength and support to lead others well.
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Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast.
Belinda Gaston:I'm Belinda Gaston, your host and listen. If you are a Christian woman who leads at work, in your own business or even in ministry, you are in the right place here. You'll find practical advice and encouragement as you lead through real conversations that will challenge and inspire you. So join me on this journey to becoming better leaders, god's way. Are you ready? Let the journey begin. Welcome to the Graced to Lead podcast. I'm Belinda Gaston, your host and listen. Can I ask you a question? Are you leading in loneliness? Are you leading while isolated, feeling isolated? Are you leading and feeling like no one understands? No one has your back? You're leading from this space where you're leading by yourself? If you are, you're not alone.
Belinda Gaston:I recently read an article that said that over 65% of women who lead feel lonely. They can feel lonely because you know, as a leader, you have responsibilities. The sheer responsibilities placed on your shoulders can cause you to feel isolated. It's the fact that you are making decisions and that you are creating strategy, that you are leading organizations and people, and it's a heavy burden to carry, and many times you can't share that burden with others, whether it's through because of confidentiality. Maybe people can't handle what it is that you have to say at least you perceive that way. All of those things can be isolating, and this sense of loneliness can impact your mental health as a leader. It can impact the way you make decisions, and it can have even consequences for your businesses, for the companies in which you lead, for the ministries and the organizations in which you lead. Loneliness is real for leaders.
Belinda Gaston:Listen, I'm not saying that, as a leader, you don't have friendships. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is there is a subset, there is a group of people and some of you may be listening who are leading and carrying the responsibility of leadership, and in a place where, though, you have people around you, you still feel alone. So I want to talk about that, because God's intent for you as a leader is not for you to lead in isolation. It's not for you to lead from a lonely place, but rather for you to have a strong support system. We were not meant to be alone and we were not meant to lead alone, and we don't really talk about this a lot, because there is a level of stigma attached if you tell someone you feel lonely, right? Leaders are supposed to be immune to that. As a leader, you're not supposed to be feeling lonely. You're supposed to feel empowered and confident and bold and you're supposed to walk in your authentic self. Right, all of the things that we say, even on this podcast.
Belinda Gaston:But the reality is that leadership can be a lonely job. It just can. Leadership can be a lonely job. You can't necessarily share with those who you lead all the time. Right, it's hard to form genuine connections. Sometimes Leadership can be lonely, but you are not meant to lead from a place of loneliness.
Belinda Gaston:So I just want to talk about some ways that we can find ourselves connected as leaders to help us get through those places, so that we are not isolated and we are not lonely. And so the first thing I want to talk about is creating your own kind of peer support network, your support group. And again, I'm not talking about your friendship. You may have a friend that's been your friend since you know childhood or since your college days, or you know what have you and that's great, or what have you and that's great I'm talking about, and these people may be a part of your support system, but what I'm talking about is relationships with other leaders Listen to me other leaders who can provide support for you right. It's important that you have that, and recognizing that that's necessary for you really is the first step. And here's why, when you have the support of a few other leaders and you have that support network, what begins to happen is that you can share things with each other in ways that you can't share with other people. Share with other people.
Belinda Gaston:I have some really good close friends. Not all of them are in leadership positions or have the leadership responsibilities that I have in my life, so sometimes they may not be able to relate to that part of my life. They can relate to my emotions. They can relate to things I may talk about with my children or my husband, but they may not be able to understand. Talk about with my children or my husband, but they may not be able to understand my position as a leader because they are not in that place. But I do have a support of peers who are also leading in their various spaces, whether they're leading in organizations or ministries or businesses, corporate spaces. They are leading and that group of people I can share my leadership journey and experiences with and my challenges with, and we can join in with one another, support one another and grow. So when you have that support network, it serves as a two-way street for you, right, you get support and you give support and you also. When you have that support network, it can help impact how you make decisions, how you change perspectives right, how you change your perspective in handling a situation. They can give you insights into something, they can be a sounding board for you. So it's really important that you have this support group.
Belinda Gaston:But there are a couple of things I want to talk about. There is first is you have to be intentional about seeking out and nurturing relationships as leaders, and it's hard to do because you're busy, right, you're busy doing all the things. You've got a whole laundry list of things to do. You have to do list, you have things to approve, you have things to review, you have things to strategize about, you have situations that you have to handle, but there is time that needs to be set aside to nurturing and forming relationships with other leaders to develop this support network. Support network and can I pause here and say that, even if you have the time, even if you make the time to do this, when I say being intentional, what I mean is that you are putting your heart and your mind into this together. Right, because, see, what can happen is you can set time to be intentional and call someone or get to know someone, but not really be open to receiving them in this type of relationship.
Belinda Gaston:Listen, I am the queen of this. I used to be. I am much better than I used to be, but I was known to be friendly and jovial with people. Right, you would encounter me and you can feel as if we've made a connection. But when I leave your presence, if someone were to ask you about some of my deeper thoughts, maybe what I'm feeling, some things that you can't tell just from looking at me, you wouldn't know because I wasn't open to sharing about me, I would share things like I'm married, I have children, I have a turtle named Sheltron, right, those kinds of things. But when it comes to deeper places of here are the things I'm challenged with. Here are the things I worry about. Here's what's on my mind right now. I may not share that with you because I wasn't open to sharing those things with you, and the reason I wasn't open was because I had my own trust issues.
Belinda Gaston:Listen, if you have been, if your trust has been mishandled in the past. If someone has done something or there's been a situation where you have felt as if your trust was broken, it is easy to build a wall up around you, particularly as leaders, because you're responsible for doing the things, for making the hard decisions right. It's easy to put a wall up and not let people in, and you can put that wall up and operate in that space without appearing rude Hear me without appearing rude. You are friendly, you appear to be open, but the reality is there is a certain line, a certain place that people won't ever be able to enter into. And so if you are like that that's how I was If you are like that, then what begins to happen is you have superficial relationships.
Belinda Gaston:You have what you think is a network, but it's superficial, and when the rubber hits the road, so to speak, when you really need to call on some people to give you a different perspective, to help you to make a decision, when there is something really important that requires a deeper level of relationship, you won't have it because you weren't open to receiving it. And so when I say being intentional about those building and nurturing those relationships, I mean being all in about this. I'm not saying that you have to have five million relationships, but to develop at least one or two of them requires you to be intentional and listen. If you were in that place where I was, where your own trust issues were keeping you from developing relationships, I pray right now that you deal with those places of mistrust. Like I had to put in work for that I had to go to therapy, for that I had to admit to myself that you know what this is an issue for me, because this person didn't show up in the way that I wanted them to when I was a child, because I opened myself up to this professional relationship and this person took my idea and made it their own. Whatever, it is right, you have to deal with that place, you have to be open, you have to be willing to receive.
Belinda Gaston:So I would say to you, if you're in this place where you feel like you're leading from a place of loneliness, that first you must kind of, you must accept the fact that you need people. You need people, girl, you need people, ma'am, you need people. You can't do it all alone. Yes, again, the leadership journey can be a lonely one. I mean you have to do some things alone, you have to make some decisions alone, but you don't have to be lonely. So go ahead and deal with those things, those barriers that may be keeping you from connecting with other people, first recognizing that you need other people to support you.
Belinda Gaston:And listen. I'm not talking about the subordinates, right. These are not people that you may sign their time sheets or you're responsible for making decisions, or they report up to you. I'm talking about other leaders in spaces that are dealing with similar situations Support group. Who's in your support group? Who do you go to to share your leadership experiences with? Who do you share your challenges with and provide insight to, and are you doing that for someone else? Do you have that relationship? Do you have a sounding board? Do you have a safe and confidential space where you can share as a leader? If you don't, it's time to be intentional about creating one, and so one way you can do that is simply by starting with peer groups. Right, there are all these groups that are formed, where, either online, like virtual groups that have maybe, like you know, women leaders in technology or women leaders in public health I don't know or women who lead in ministry spaces. There are groups like that out there. Begin to plug in, begin to plug into those spaces and maybe just join and see what's happening. Some of these groups can be really large, some of them can be monetized, but even in those spaces, you're bound to find at least one person you have something in common with. Bound to find at least one person you have something in common with. You know, another way you can start to form these relationships is really asking God to show you who's around you.
Belinda Gaston:Listen, one of the people in my support network is someone that I have known for probably 15 years. I've known them for 15 years, but it wasn't until the last two or three years that we actually got to know each other. We traveled in similar circles. We had similar friends, friend groups. We would see each other in different leadership spaces, but I never took the time to open myself up to talk to them. In fact, this particular woman was somebody that I admire and I remember going into spaces going, wow, she seems really great. I would love to get to kind of know her better or I wonder what she thinks or how she handles this type of situation, and never once did I share. Why? Because I had my own trust issues, but also there was a bit of fear and being vulnerable with someone else right what if I'm rejected? That fear of rejection right.
Belinda Gaston:Turns out that this woman felt the same way about me. So this whole time, for 15 years, we've been in similar circles and she's thinking the same thing about me, that I'm thinking about her, and neither one of us really moved to speak to each other until one day where we were kind of forced into a group in an environment where I think it was like a conference or an event, and we ended up having to talk to one another. And after that group was over, we continued talking. We realized we had similar values, we were dealing with similar situations. There were similarities, there were things that we had in common that we could have supported one another on in this whole journey. We had similar journeys, even to leadership, but it took us being forced to speak to one another in this kind of intimate setting to discover that there may be people in your circle right now, there may be in your environment right now.
Belinda Gaston:I'll say there may be people in your environment right now that are perfect to be a part of your support team, your support network, your advisory group, your personal inner circle network, your advisory group, your personal inner circle. But you have to be able to be vulnerable and let them in. You have to take the first step and reach out right. There's no reason for you to be lonely while you lead. Another way is mentorship. I mean, you'd be surprised how many people who have advanced or have more experience than you in a particular leadership space that if you simply reached out to them to say, hey, you know, I'd like to be able to pick your brain about some things, they'd be open to doing that. They'd be open to doing that.
Belinda Gaston:And why am I talking about this? I'm talking about this right now because I have been really in a place of transition in several areas in my life, including in leadership, and I am more and more keenly aware of the power of my support network my peers, the people I call my personal advisory board in helping me navigate these spaces. Times when I feel like I need to quit as a leader, to have those people come around me and say, no, you can't quit. This is just a moment. This, too shall pass. Here's another way of looking at that. Here's another way of looking at that. Here's another way of thinking about that. Here's a solution that worked for me that may work for you.
Belinda Gaston:There's also value in taking things off of thinking about me me me. All the time, in that same group, I get an opportunity to be somebody else's support and, quite honestly, there is joy in being able to help somebody else, and sometimes, in helping somebody else, you realize that you have a solution or insight into your own situation just by helping them, by connecting with other people, other leaders, in this way. It gives you so many benefits right. First, you're not alone. You have an opportunity to get fresh ideas and fresh perspectives and to have people that you trust and you respect, and it opens the door for you to collaborate and to have growth. Right, but you have to be intentional. You have to be intentional about the connecting in that way, and so there really is no reason for you to lead in places of lead from a lonely place. Connecting with individuals who are also leaders is possible for you. It's possible for you. It really is. You just have to be intentional.
Belinda Gaston:So here's what I'm going to do. This is a short episode, I believe, but here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to challenge you this week. If you feel like you may be leading in isolation, you may be leading from a place of loneliness. You can't really think of another leader, someone who is also leading, who you can reach out to, to bounce ideas off of, to find support from. If that is you, I'm going to encourage you to look to build a new relationship. If you have existing relationships this was also me at one point and this is something I'm being intentional about working on even now but if you are a person who you know, you have a network of people, you have a support network, but things have kind of changed for you. You've been busy, you haven't connected with them, you haven't reached out, you don't really know what's going on with them and they don't know what's going on with you. Be intentional about reconnecting and nurturing that relationship. That's your challenge for this week, in the next seven days.
Belinda Gaston:If it's a new relationship, I challenge you to choose a day a time and say, on this day, at this time, I am going to reach out to this person, identify who that person is. Even if it's a cold email, right, you don't know this person. You may have connected with them on LinkedIn or at some kind of conference or event. You exchange you know how we do. You exchange information. Oh yeah, I'll connect with you. Oh yeah, I'll connect with you. Oh yeah, I'll connect with you. And then you walk away. You never connect with that person, ever again. Right? Choose a day and time in the next seven days, the next seven days where you're going to reach out to that person. You're going to reach out by email, you're going to reach out by phone. However you choose to do it, you are going to reach out to that person and just see what happens in trying to build that and starting to build that relationship.
Belinda Gaston:The second thing is, if you are on the other side of that, where you actually have the relationship but you haven't nurtured it in a while, I'm challenging you Choose a day, choose a time, choose a person and reach out. Community for you will be important as a leader, especially in the world we're in today. We're going into a place where there's so much confusion in the world and there are some important decisions that you have to make. I know that some companies may be downsizing, some companies may be growing. People who used to work from home are now coming back. If you are in a nonprofit organization, funding streams may have changed for you. If you're in ministry, you know what ministry looks like for you has changed.
Belinda Gaston:There's all of these factors that are happening that require your leadership skills, your knowledge, your experience. Who is helping you, who is supporting you? Who can you go to when you need help, when you need support, when you need ideas? Identify that person and reach out. And here's the thing. I don't want you to reach out saying, oh, we're going to be fast friends. I'm just trying to get you to reach out to start, because the truth is not everyone is going to connect. Everyone you reach out to may not be a connection in that way. I mean, it's okay, at least you've made a new connection, or at least you've reestablished a connection, right, but just make an attempt. Now, if you are listening and you have a robust support network, I'm going to challenge you to something different.
Belinda Gaston:The other last part of this is that these types of relationships for leaders have to be reciprocal, right, and so it may be that you have someone in your support team that the only time you hear from them is when they are having a problem or a challenge, or they need a solution or they need a sounding board, but when you need them, they're not available. Right? That is a one-sided relationship, and so I'm challenging you to even assess those people. Listen, people come into our lives for a season, and some people are in our lives for a lifetime. Assess if that season's up. And here's why Because, as you navigate your leadership spaces, I believe that God brings people to help and support you and encourage you and equip you.
Belinda Gaston:But if you're holding on in a space that you shouldn't be, to a relationship that you shouldn't be, you may not be allowing yourself room to receive the next relationship, right? So be honest with yourself. Be honest with yourself about this, and I am pretty sure that people have done this with me, right? I've been in a place where I've been so selfish that I haven't been able to focus on these types of relationships, and so when I needed something, I could call a person and say, hey, this is what I need, but I don't know if I was necessarily readily available to receive from. This is what I need, but I don't know if I was necessarily readily available to receive from to be a support for them, and so that relationship was one sided for them and our relationship changed Right. So that's your challenge for this week Know that you are not meant to be lonely or isolated.
Belinda Gaston:Again, leadership does require you to lead alone many times, but loneliness and isolation is not something that God would have for you. That God, who has graced you to lead, has also graced you to be in relationship. Even in the book of Ephesians, god talks about that people aren't, people should not be alone. I think I can't remember what the let me see if I can find the scripture really fast, but it says it's Ephesians, ephesians four, ephesians, ephesians four. And it taught I think it's Ephesians four, yeah, ephesians four and nine. It says two are better than one because they have good reward for their labor, for if they fall, one will lift up his companion, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. We are not meant to lead and be lonely. We are meant to lead, and leadership does require sometimes for you to make decisions by yourself. But you are not meant to be lonely or isolated as you lead.
Belinda Gaston:Even though leadership, the responsibility of leadership, can cause you to feel isolated and lonely, there's no reason why you couldn't find your support system. Find your group, find your crew, find your personal advisory board and do it. Start this week. Start this week. Ask yourself what's keeping me from these relationships?
Belinda Gaston:First, because you might have to deal with something, but after that, I challenge you reach out the next seven days. But after that, I challenge you reach out the next seven days. If you're committed to doing that, drop me a note. Let me know if you're listening on I believe if you're listening on the Buzzsprout, you can actually text me, but you can also send me notes from the other podcast platforms. Let me know. Let me know if you're going to take the challenge Next seven days. Reach out to someone, choose a time, choose a date and reach out. I hope that this episode has encouraged you, that you don't have to lead from a lonely place and you don't have to lead in isolation. Thank you so much for listening to the Graced to Lead podcast and remember that you are indeed Graced to Lead.
